The Flaming UniCap

Sadly it's not actually flaming...Only in my fantasies. You probably don't even know what a UniCap is, unless you randomly frequent large medical labs that do allergen testing. Basically, it's a diabolical piece of machinery that exists to make my existence miserable. It's a relatively new instrument on the market, but I've come to suspect that it has a secret sensor built in that knows when I'm working. I work a week on, then a week off, and it's usually perfect during the week I have off. Then it has some colossal breakdown when I am working, or-- as more often is the case--after I have left for the day, making it so I have all sorts of problem resolutions to deal with in the morning. Maybe it just doesn't understand English. It was manufactured in Sweden, and then was sent over to China. I think the only thing it seems to vaguely understand is the piece of wood (aptly labeled "wood" through carving methods) we taped over the "pause" button they put on there that specifically says in the manual "never push this." It serves a dual purpose: 1) to cover the button we should never push that is easy to lean against and push on accident through it's strategic placement (another of it's diabolical plans to create havoc), and 2) we knock on it when we are pessimistic about our day, or overly optimistic more often. It seems to know by our excited or droll tones that it needs to do something flamboyant to get our attention, then acts negatively; unless we knock, which seems to pacify it. It's actually very impressive when it's working. Unfortunately, it seems it doesn't work just as often as it does. Today it broke down in so many aspects I couldn't even believe it, to the point where they probably sent us enough parts to make up a new instrument. Fortunately one of our vendors is here to tell us exactly what's wrong, but this week is not looking promising. I'm thinking this whole week will be made up of 12 hour days, which is fine as long as I have something to do, because I like my job after all, but sometimes I want to shoot myself in the foot. I realize that this statement seems irrational when applied to my work after I specifically just said I like my job, but occasionally when I do reach that point of being up to my head in problems, shooting myself in the foot seems like a less painful option. I'm pretty sure it would free my mind from thinking, which unfortunately my job requires me to do, and which would then be replaced with statements such as, "Ouch, What the...!, asterisk, or monstrosity!"--Which frankly this instrument makes me do anyway. I have daydreams about giving it a swift kick, and can honestly say that doing so is a dear ambition of mine. However, as this equipment is worth more than my life, it's a desire I suppress.