Been a while. I can't say I really regret it though, because there has been nothing of value to write. That's not to say that what I'm about to say is of any value, just that everything prior to now has been reeeeeaaaaally not of value. School is one of those things that when I find myself talking to people about it, I leave the conversation thinking, "why was I talking about that? They were bored, I was bored because I'm boring right now, and do I really have to spend all of my non-school moments talking about school when school mostly stresses me out all of the time?" Bleh. Very masochistic of me.

I'm writing now because I just got 3 cds in the mail, and I'm excited, and that excitement is being channeled here (I'm listening to the album "Recievers" by Parts and Labor at the Moment). And because I've kind of missed writing, generally. I got an email from my English advisor/professor Mark today. I ended up meeting with someone else to get my graduation application signed, but he still wants to get together this week and catch up/talk about my plans. I have no idea what my plans are anymore, but it would definitely be nice to talk about something literature and not science related. I might try for that on Friday after my exams.

So, I started my rotations recently...meaning I'm more than half-way through the first semester. I also remembered that I'm supposed to be keeping a daily journal of them for the class next semester that takes the place of my lab management class. It's the only class I have (that's not online) that is in any way a "class" format. We mostly sit and whisper loudly in the back, and mess around on our computers with im and youtube videos. It's solely attendance, and with work and my rotations on monday I totally missed it for the 4th or 5th time. This does not bode well for my grades. Anyway, I also haven't been journaling. This week has been pretty good (the first I haven't felt severe anxiety). I'm in Immunology, which is the section I work in, so I know and feel comfortable around all of the people, and am familiar with most of the tests. I'm rotating alone, so I finish things faster. They're starting me later in the day too at 9 (it's sad that I now think that's late), and I've gotten off at noon or earlier until today, due to a practical that had long incubation times, where I got off at 130 and spent the two 30 minute incubations going to lunch and surfing the internet. Some of that was studying, but my actual rotations are pretty chill when I'm not trying to write down the things being said with ridiculous all-catching speed. The time outside of "class" are more stressful because there's a lot to know, and I study better not camped out at the place I work. For instance, at this moment I'm writing this in between studying, AND eating a microwaved yam slathered in butter, salt and pepper. As an aside, I think I might have a slight allergy to pepper. My throat kind of itches when I eat it.

Apathetic Me.

I started looking into volunteer organizations today. I've felt strangely numb for a really long time now, and I figure this would be one way to force myself out of the confines of myself. It's strange. I don't feel sad, or angry...or anything more than moderately happy at times for that matter. I can be happy, but things that would have made me ecstatic in the past just bring a fleeting happiness that goes with amazing rapidity. Everything is incredibly toned down as far as my emotions go, so I guess I would describe my current state as resigned and apathetic. For the most part.

I went off my antidepressants awhile ago, and I have no intention of going back on them any time soon if ever. I kept getting the prescription gradually bumped up, over time, to the point where I'm convinced they helped me find this muted place I'm in now. I certainly was more depressed at the time I went off them, because I was in such a stunted state, and I hated it. And I can't say I am now. Depressed that is. I've simply found myself somewhere I don't want to be after a year of hell on earth via school and work, and the world as it was before no longer exists now. So I'm trying to cope with that, but it's not the same as depression at all really. It's just amazing how much people change, and situations change, in as little time as a year. I'm still getting used to everything being so different now that I suddenly have time to spare, when before I hadn't 2 seconds to myself to think. And of course I've lost the desire to plan or to attempt to move forward. I've been forcing myself to anyway, in certain regards, but I think it will be a while before I get somewhere worth being. I think I've reached a point where I can't really make myself care what others think. You'd think that'd be a good thing, but I can tell the last thing I need is to isolate myself more. I do care a little, but not enough to want to socialize much. Or at least to take the effort to socialize when it's not already presented to me. That's a totally different situation. But I haven't really been faced with that so much either, so the desire in me is even less.

Still getting used to the new house. The new ward (I've only been there once, so it's to be expected). To sort of being in school again. I'm torn between a slight annoyance that everyone else has started already and wanting to have started too so I can get it over with already, and being afraid to start because there's so much I've already forgotten and I'm still not over being burnt out from the last time. But I have way too much free time on me at the moment. I'm almost happy to be going back to work tomorrow. In fact, it's not even an almost. I guess I'm lucky I like my coworkers so much, though I know I'll be tired the second I get there, and I'll regret having missed it immediately. I didn't really accomplish much this last week. Or at least nothing large enough to have been tangibly explained. People will ask me what I did, and I'll have nothing to report. But half the time I do something worth telling lately, it's because I was forcing myself to do it in the first place, trying to get back to my former self. I think this is going to be a long road after all.

I hung out with my 15 year old nephew and sister a bit this weekend, played some rock band with them, somewhat planned a trip to New York taking place in October with all of my sisters and my mom, went to dinner with my London girls, and watched Casablanca Sunday with a few friends. I also read. And I bought some cds which will aid me in therapudically losing myself a little. And that was all I really cared to accomplish.

Happy Birthday Buddy

I just did something I found very strange.

Today I woke up late, hung out at my sister's a bit, moved my bed/futon to my new house with the help of my parent's, and spent some time at my high school's centennial bash.

The bed thing had to be done. As much as I love sleeping on mats on the floor, I really just needed it there so I could finish figuring the layout of my room, and move things around it accordingly.

The school thing did not need to be done, but I let myself get talked into it anyway. I don't think I've been in my old high school but twice since I graduated; once for Candlelight with my friend Leah the year after we graduated, partially because to go see our junior friends from track and PLT and bell choir...and partially because I love music during the holidays, and once two years after graduation when my friend Camille was the lead in Pirates of Penzance, and I had a few other friends in the same musical. So I walked around and saw all the changes that have been made, as well as all that hasn't changed, all the old stuff on display, ate cake, and saw part of a slideshow assembly type thing remembering all the greatness that is Bingham High School. Strange. I realized upon entering the school that I had forgotten how absolutely everything looked, but after seeing it I realized it's largely the same. The whole thing surprised me in regards to how fondly it made me remember high school, but I'm still happy it's over.

In other news, I've started biking to work on a pretty regular basis. Of course, with an off week every other week, and fall and winter coming on fast, I don't think I'll be able to get all that much experience or exercise out of it. I already feel healthier, but I'm pretty sure that's all in my head. I'm surprised how much I love biking to work, even with the occasional hills, but I hate hate HAAAATE riding home. Very creepy. At least the very last portion is. I never look forward to it.

That's all I've got.

Stuff

Haven't written in a while, so I suppose that should be remedied. A lot has happened since last I did of course, but I always forget the things before I can say anything about them. I actually came to the conclusion recently that I don't precisely have a bad memory, per say, at least in the sense where I don't remember things having happened (I actually usually remember events pretty vividly for the most part), but my sense of time is skewed in relation to them. I never remember when things happened; e.g. how long ago, on what day of the week, etc. You could say my depth perception in regards to memory is busted. Last week, last year...they're pretty much the same in my mind. When asked what I did on my off week, the answer will always be, "I'm not really sure." Yet minute things will remind me of the events that transpired, eventually, and boy...then try to get me to shut up. Of course, that's events. Facts and learned things are gone for good after so long without regular reviewing.

So, I'm still moving. That's about the extent of what's happening to me right now. I get the question of whether I have or not yet every few days it seems. Alas, I wish I had already, but I still have to deal with the whole process. My room is actually a mess, and I'll be moving the bulk of it tomorrow into one of my parents' trailers they cleaned out for the occasion. Think a horse trailer, only its never housed horses or any living things. These are the kinds of things my parents find and accumulate. I'm super glad work is over for the week, but I've had hairline stresses towards just about everything for a while now, with all that's happening, so I really haven't planned my off week like I should have. Technically this week should be Semi Fun Week, part Summer, but I just can't do it while I'm worried about moving, so I'll have to put it off another couple of weeks. It really shouldn't make a huge difference with my upcoming school schedule.

Speaking of which...my lab management class on Monday afternoons/nights is horribly boring. Think 1&1/2 to 2 hours of guest lecturers talking about how to be leaders in a lab setting, defining things like organization and referral power. I think it should be pretty painful, but it is surprisingly welcoming to suddenly see all the people I became so accustomed to seeing on a daily basis, but haven't in fact seen since school ended.

In other news, I'm going to spend my birthday this weekend with some people in Clark's cabin in Idaho. Something about a cabin in the middle of nowhere, along with people I've known since elementary school (thus being as comfortable around them as one can around other people), is very relaxing to think upon. I can be my annoying self and not worry as much about whether I'm driving people away or not. I mean, if they've put up with me for this long, what could I do to succeed at driving them away?

Ummm, let's see...I did check out some excellent concerts this last week, and they definitely warrant mentions. The Thursday before last was Clap Your Hands Say Yeah at the Gallivan Center, with Delta Spirit opening.
I hadn't heard of the latter, but they were quite excellent. Of course I already loved Clap Your Hands before then, and everyone loves a free concert. I was only disappointed they didn't bring t shirts for the buying. Heidi and I actually biked down and back, so that was a good experience in and of itself. One of these days I will succeed at a healthy lifestyle. Then there's always old dancing man, who is at every concert with his own choreographed moves, and who I enjoy watching about as much as anything.Wilco with Fleet Foxes at Red Butte Gardens was that following Monday, and man was that a amazing show. 1 beautiful garden amphitheater outdoors (duh), 2 great bands, 2 people I like going to/seeing shows with, and the ability to bring in anything you want in with you (which we didn't utilize, but it's nice to know we could have brought in a cooler of beer or whatever if we'd wanted to). It was much better than I was thinking it would be actually, and so I'm really glad I stumbled onto what I thought was a glitch in the Red Butte website--at the time--that resulted in me getting tickets at a reasonable price (meaning the original price charged before the show was sold out within seconds of having tickets for sale). It also felt like a really long show, which is a good thing when you like what you're hearing. This Thursday was Broken Social Scene at the Gallivan. Fan-freaking-tastic. I loooooove them so much. And they were free. I still can't believe they got them to come. Again, bikes were ridden to and from the show. It was slightly marred by the fact that I was less and less fond of the opening act more and more as their set progressed, and that the concert in and of itself felt really short. It wasn't of course, but when they were done I sooo wanted more. I could have listened to them all night; there were so many things I wanted to hear them play that it just wouldn't have been feasible for them to do so, in any given situation other than a daydream. It only could have been better if they had gotten Feist to come with them, thus enabling them to play many a song from the You Forget it in People album. So in short, it was excellent. I did also get a flat tire being stupid on my bike on the ride home. But I got it fixed before I rode down to the Farmer's Market this weekend, so no lasting harm was done. And I got a CO2 canister for any future mishaps.
So this really has no relevance on any level to anything, but a month or so ago I bought a large box of Foster Farms corn dogs, and they might be the worst thing that's ever happened to me. In the sense that I'm incapable of not eating them. I've always enjoyed them on occasion, usually while babysitting at my sisters' house, because it seems anyone with kids has them in their freezer. I used to think it was about the quality of the actual hot dog. It's not. It's all in the double dipped honey batter. For some reason I don't get sick of them, so I've devoured most of the whole box. Heaven help me if I ever buy them again.

Differenter Plans

So I decided the basement idea won't work at all. I was set and resigned to my fate until I randomly texted my friend Mody the other day to see how she was doing, and it turns out my guardian angel, Birdie, talked to her about my needing a new place. As it happens, she has a room open in her place in Sugarhouse, and I looked at it yesterday. Her roommate was nice, and she's super awesome herself, so the only qualms I have is moving all of my many things out there (I hate the moving process), and possibly the lighting. I'm so dumb with things like that. Lighting affects my mood, but so do roommates who talk blowhorn style into their phones and say the F word 5 or 6 times in the course of a 5 minute phone call. I had totally forgotten this was a common occurrence because my memory sucks, and it really makes it worse that you can hear everything from my room. It wouldn't be a problem in the basement, but the new roommate would surely have a problem with this as much as I do unless they were already friends with said roommate, and I predict drama. Did I mention I think she's a great person? I'm going to have a ridiculous amount of studying next semester though, and I won't be able to pull it off with the noise, even if there isn't additional noise provided by other people. And she is dramatic, as this particular phone call proved. Pure drama at that Olive Garden in Sandy. Man I'm getting good at whining about my life. Hopefully that will change with my surroundings.

Anyway, I think Liz would let me buy new lamps...perhaps? The room looks much the same size as my one now, but there are 2 closets. The house is just below Sugarhouse park and the neighborhood looks okay. It's nothing compared to my house now, because my backyard and all the greenery are nothing short of awesome, and hammock spot, but you give and choose a little when it comes to these things.

So now I need to tell Meg and Jackie. I don't know if our landlord will trust Jackie and 2 new people to stay there though, so I need to talk to Meg about the options first. As much as I'm partially afraid of Jackie's reaction, I'm worried about Meg's because I don't want her to think less of me. Moving out to live with mormons and all. I respect her a lot, and have loved living with her. And I hope to hang out with her before she moves to New York this November now that we both have actual time to hang out. She said I should come visit her and JC in New York and stay with them, which I told her would happen if she actually invited me, and she totally did, so there you go.

Now I just have to think about how to go about this...

Plans

Up until today I was on a family plan with my little sis. That is until this bad boy arrived. I guess its Sprint's answer to the iphone (Oh, when will they outgrow their sibling rivalry), and unfortunately it didn't come with the fire. My friend at work Jon kept trying to get me to get an iphone because I was due for an upgrade, and I kept trying to tell him I didn't want one, at which point he kept telling me I was lame, at which point I told him he was an insufferable jerk. He says these things because his main joy in life and at work is to get a rise out of me and to tell the truth as little as possible. And so he happens to be my favorite co worker. Then I told him my plan was up and I wasn't sure what I wanted to do.

It turns out Jon pays about 30 bucks a month for unlimited texts and web through Sprint. He does this by essentially cheating the system. It's an employee discount, but he doesn't know any employees. They actually raised the price to 60 bucks since he signed on, which sucks, but its still cheaper than if I got a limited internet plan through cingular or any other company I could find, including Sprint without the discount (which runs around a 100 bucks). And it's only 10 bucks more than my current plan. Anyway, so Jon got me this discount, hereby proving that underneath his insupportable demeanor, he actually is a pretty decent human being.

The phone has GPS on it, which frankly is the #1 reason I got it (I told you the whole iphone thing didn't really interest me). It's exciting really with my sense of direction. I only wish it had a British accent. And it has tv, which is nice, but probably won't be used. The email thing will be nice, but again isn't essential or anything. And it has a little pen. It's a touch screen, so there you go. I basically got a phone because it had GPS and a little pen. Plus through signing up with Sprint it really wasn't that bad of a price--much less than Cingular ever has been. They actually rip you off on phone prices there more than anywhere else. And I figured I should get a phone that took advantage of the unlimited net feature.

In other news, I'm moving into the basement. I've been looking into finding places to move, and it's just a lot of effort and isn't very fruitful, especially given all the stress it's causing me. My new plan is to find a new ward and move into the only room in the house where you can't hear everything else in the house no matter where you are. It also has better lighting, which is surprisingly a big deal for me. Jackie--bless her heart--I don't think realizes she's as loud as she is. She's actually a pleasant person to be around, but I realized today, when we were talking to someone looking at our house, she talks a few decibels louder than the average person. I'd suspected as much, which is why is was harder to study last semester on occasion. It wasn't a huge deal most of the time, but it played its little part in why I might possibly be moving out. But the basement should be better, and chances are if I'm not being all that social from here, it's not going to change by living with a bunch of new strangers. The not mormon thing isn't actually a huge problem, or hasn't been. With the exception of New Years and the Superbowl; which after our chat had better not be happening at our house with booze this year. That's what friends are for, is my opinion.

Update

I think my mind is clearer today than yesterday, yet muddier than ever. I talked to Jackie...kind of in a roundabout way I can't even take credit for, but I think most of the things that needed saying were said, in addition to the things that came across all wrong...and things will be alright. I still have no idea what I'm doing, but who really does? I really do like Jackie, and I respect how she lives her life even if it's not the way I live mine, so I feel awful that she's felt guilty in any way for the things she has no reason to be ashamed of. It's okay we're different people. I just need a change, and moving would be the easiest. That is, if it were easy to find housing.

I took down the ad I put on KSL and Jackie put up a new one. I don't know if it's possible to find someone who will work for both of us, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to see while I'm figuring things out. After I explained the me being a crappy mormon thing and wanting a new ward and roommates with LDS standards so it's not just one more thing making life harder than it should be...well, she said she wouldn't have alcohol in the house and wouldn't invite crazy people over. I feel bad, because that is so totally nice of her to make an effort like that because she wants to keep me as a roommate, but why should I have all the say in things? If I were her I would say so long and farewell. But we both like our house and feel comfortable there. That's kind of a red flag for me a bit. Anytime you're too comfortable with a situation it makes it harder to grow, and boy do I need growing. I let her know I'm not sure what I need to be doing right now, but that I need to be doing something different and that moving is the only thing I can think of that would fulfill that requirement.

At the time I was at the Institute building looking at the housing posting board; I think I'll be looking into calling those people tomorrow, as well as letting people look at our house. Who knows what I'm doing. I think I'll have to have a good long pray tonight, and maybe things will be clearer tomorrow--if I get lucky. I just hate not knowing things. I hate not knowing if there are people out there who I could live with who'd bring out the more social person in me that I used to be. I know that person is not one that most of you have met or remember--unless I'm related to you--but I swear it was there more than just occasionally from the age of about 19 to 22 or so. I think I need to peel away the layer of bitter left over from school and who knows what else to get to the core of my buried motivation.

And so now I'm very tired. And though I think I've come to terms with it in my tired state, this week off has really sucked. Tomorrow's Saturday and no camping or fun activities are occurring. The next week, however, I will miss my family reunion. I might call in sick. Only I'd inform my boss I wasn't really sick. We shall see.

Bombshell

This week has officially been what I would call "taxing." I've been struggling within myself for the entirety of the week on whether I should move out at the end of the month when Meg leaves. Or whether I should just stay and find new roommates. I had a nice little list of the drawbacks and benefits drawn up, and just when I thought I'd made the right choice, an immovable bolder gets thrown in my way.

I have to admit that the main reason that kept me indecisive on the whole moving matter, that is until forced to make a decision (Meg approached me and told me she was moving out at the end of August and needed to tell our landlord Stratford whether I'd be moving out in the next couple of days so he'd have sufficient notice to rent out the house before the semester started, or that I'd be staying and finding roommates of my own) was that I didn't know if Jackie would be moving out or not. I like Jackie a lot, but I've decided I just can't stand to live with her. Apart from being loud and making it all but impossible to sleep or study when she's in the house, I just really need to be living with LDS standards wherever I am right now, especially with how weak I am spiritually. I'd like roommates I'd have the option of going to church with, or who would at least bring the Spirit I am currently incapable of bringing myself. And of course I wanted less noise for my last year of school with as much studying as I'll have to do, and Jackie is anything but quiet. The F word shouted dramatically in a variety of contexts in a house where you can hear everything in every room just isn't doing it for me now. And I'm ashamed to admit it, because it's really not her fault, but her laugh drives me crazy. It's high pitched, comes often, and it alone is often the reason it's so hard for me when I'm trying to sleep at night or study.

So Meg approached me at the beginning of the week and said she and Jackie would both be moving out, only if I was leaving Jackie might stay and have her sister and her kids move in there, but they needed two rooms. With me there this would be impossible (Yippee!) At this point I was still flirting with the idea of moving out, because on my list of reasons:

1) I really want a new ward. I feel badly about it, and I know it's my own fault I wasn't social to begin with (working every other Sunday and having poor social skills as I do were not conducive to this end), and now it's no wonder people don't approach the girl whose been in the ward for 2 years who doesn't talk to people. But I really just want a new start.

I debated like crazy on what I should do, and after looking into places for rent I came to the conclusion that finding a place

A) as close to school
B) as cheap as mine
C) with as much of a room as I have

would be impossible. Actually, it's impossible to find any one of those things while also finding LDS roommates. And I love my house. Other than how uncomfortable I feel with roommates I'm not really friends with, I love everything about it. Plus there's definitely something to be able to choose and reject potential candidates where you will, as opposed to being the one chosen or rejected. And I figured that if I really disliked my ward and it came to a choice between my inactivity or someone having mercy enough on me to let me into a ward outside of my boundaries, I'd at least have a shot at the new ward thing. Or the possibility of going to my old ward with roommates. Plus I'm lazy. I have no desire whatsoever to move my many many small and large things alike into another place I know will not be big enough to hold them. The idea of staying became more and more appealing. So I posted an ad on KSL.com. I was surprised how many responses I got. Kind of exciting actually. The balloon in my chest inflated.

So I randomly get this text message from Jackie this afternoon (technically yesterday now) saying that she's decided to stay too. I was floored. Apart from not understanding why she'd want to stay (she isn't a student, she works in Sandy, and we've never held more than a 5 minute conversation together--after all she was Meg's friend, not mine), I just can't do it. Both her and Meg somehow think it will be easier for me (I feel like they think her staying is a favor to me) to find one roommate as opposed to 2, but I've never been so stressed out in my life. I guarantee finding one roommate that both Jackie and I can agree on will be 10 times harder than 2 people only I have to agree on. In fact, if I can find anyone willing to live with Jackie, that tells me right there that I won't be able to live with them. I feel bad, but I'm just really tired of having booze and swearing in my house. I don't want drunk people at my house on New Years, or Superbowl Sunday this year. And now everyone who's coming to look at the house is expecting LDS standards, and I can no longer give that to them. I can't tell Jackie how to live her life any more than I can tell her to move out. After all it's just as much her place as mine. How do you go about telling someone these things? I'll have to have reasons for my actions whether I stay or go, and it will be highly awkward for sure.

It's now 630 in the morning. I haven't been up at this time in ages...at least not when I haven't been tired. I've been so anxious trying to figure out what to do that I can't sleep. I made an appointment for a girl to come look at the house before Jackie dropped the bombshell on me, and I'm totally stressed about what will happen when she's here and exposed to Jackie while touring the house. I have all these people coming to look at the house--thanks to the resounding success of my well written ad--and none of them will be acceptable now. And I find myself wanting to look at other places for me, and thinking about doing both that and showing this house until I find the courage to tell Jackie what I'm thinking...there's just not enough time in the day.

I really wish I could afford my own house right about now.

I haven't really been taking many pictures lately, since I've gotten used to not having a camera, then suddenly having one again. And though things are happening to me, I don't really feel like writing about any of them. Strange.

But I do really, really feel like writing. So here I shall write:

Apparently dodo birds were not really as stupid as people think. Nor were they as fat. I learned this one night at work when in boredom Jon and Brock and I researched it. We also learned that Wikipedia does not like it when you add falsehoods or fibs to their entries. The dodo bird was simply used to living in a place (on some island near Africa in the Indian Ocean) where it had absolutely no predators, and it evolved from its pigeon and dove family members without flight, taking advantage of the fact that it was so large and had no competition. You could say they were quite admirable in their fearlessness towards people; a friendly bird. And one that didn't taste good. I always assumed they were hunted out of existence, or that they were pests, but actually they were mainly killed out by the animals people brought with them (cats, pigs, dogs, rats, macaques). And mans' ever present goal of wiping out nature, a game in which we are currently ahead. They were fruit and seed eaters, had greedy appetites to make it through the times of sparsity, and as such the ones in captivity were easily overfed--and of course the old paintings and drawings that have survived are of those fattened birds. They were, however, quite large in and of themselves. 50 pounds with 9 inch hooked end beaks. I guess with such little wings you have to compensate in other ways.It's name could have come from several things, namely words sounding like "dodo" that meant "sluggard" and "plump-arse." People didn't so much like them, and so they kind of just dwindled until someone did realize they weren't around any more. A sad end for a mistreated bird that even now is mercilessly mocked in today's age for being so trusting. Sometime before 1700, and less than a 100 years after they were discovered. They then were regarded as a myth, because who could believe in such an ungainly and strange looking creature? Then they found skeletons, Lewis Carroll wrote "Alice and Wonderland" with a dodo character in it, and the rest is history. You could say that Lewis Carroll is mostly responsible for how well known they have become--which is not bad for a guy who may have written it while flying high on opium.

Yesterday I researched ear wax. I was really really busy till the night hit, and then there was a lull in which this took place. My research was questioned a few times until I started talking to Carrie about it, and we had a serious conversation about ear wax candles. I for one would like to try them (and who knows, maybe I'll start hearing things correctly, but they're harder to get a hold of then you'd think). I think people are overestimating their abilities and claims, and understandably some people have probably lit themselves on fire. We live in a world where glazed kettle corn no longer exists because people can't follow large red warning stickers about not opening it until it cools.

Meh

So I know I promised pictures of Germany, but I popped in all the cds with my pictures on them just now and my computer has decided not to read them. I can't figure out if it's because my computer is a mac or if it's because I bought the cds in Germany. Probably a combination of the two. They seem to work fine in everyone else's computers. I'll have to get them from Emmy.

Here is a picture of my nephew I put on here for no other reason than that I like it. And I don't have a specific picture for this post but feel weird having no picture at all.

Anyway, I'm off work and not accomplishing much. I've found that during the summer if I don't have school, I sleep too late in the morning, then go straight to work, stay up too late doing nothing, and then start the process over again. As a side effect, I accomplish nothing and feel exhausted. Then on my off week I'm exhausted and fritter away the hours as well. I have lists of things I want/need to do, but man have I become good at sleeping whenever there's daylight. I did celebrate Canada Day at William Jame's Weenie Roast yesterday, so that was awfully exciting, and there's some sort of Mud based event happening on Saturday in Moroni, so I might hit that up. I opted not to do the whole Lagoon thing for the 4th this year--my sister Kim and her husband started this tradition a couple of years ago that I've been pulled into, but it's hot, I don't really dig Lagoon's rides in my increasingly older state, and it just keeps getting more expensive. I have fun with them and their 2 kids, and the last 2 years my lil sis and her husband have been there as well, but we're both opting for the low key celebration this year. No money, and no exhaustion. Perfect. So this year me and Ash are planning on a bbq at my parent's, or possibly my oldest sister and her family's house in Lindon.

It's kind of amazing that it's so late in the day already. I've decided that the events for the day include doing laundry and throwing as many pots as I can so I can light up my kiln for the first time this week and have something to fire in it. I'm also going to see Wall E sometime today, if I can find the perfect time for everyone involved.

Some more mindless nonsense.

Have I mentioned how happy I am since school let out? It's like I'm a whole different person. A person without stress. it's kind of strange, but kind of not, because I have the kind of memory that holds onto things like rice in an hour glass and now it's mostly already been shifted into an unused corner of my mind. Sure, it's all still there, but you have to take the effort to tip it upside down to get it back to where it started after it's seeped away. So basically if I take the effort to remember all that's happened, say by looking at some of my last posts, I'm surprised by just how bad it was, because all of the bitterness and displeasure has since evaporated from the now. It's sort of a blessing when it comes to the bad things, and sort of obnoxious when it comes to many of the good things in my life. Hence the caving in and buying of the camera that allows me to enjoy and reflect upon my surroundings and look back at the good times. One day I'll take the time to take a class and actually become good at taking these pictures, but for now I'll put it off with all of the other things my mind lets go.

Here is a picture of me letting go on my hammock. Thank you Kristen, for this amazing gift. And thank you Stratford, for building a house with railing conducive to me whiling away my time.


I've spent the last two days putting together several bookcases. As in 3. I now have 4, so I'm moving up in the world. And of course with that I've partially cleaned my room yet again, yet have become tired doing so, and will put off the remainder for another day. Here is my dad with his beard thing he insists on growing until his doctor lets him ride his Harley again in august. Claire quite enjoyed pulling on the hairs.





Chuck E. Cheese was exhausting, as I spent the whole time being dragged around by children, specifically my twin 5 year old nieces, and one was always dragging me in the opposite direction while I was trying to watch the other stationary twin that had no intention of moving, as they were at that moment on some sort of fun making apparatus. I learned the heartache of telling children that they didn't have enough tickets to get the prizes they wanted, and it broke my heart several times and made me hate
the establishment, especially when I found out that the points are equal to cents. I wish I would have known that earlier, and I just would have bought them anything they pointed to and let them believe it was their tickets and skills at achieving the tickets that produced such rewards. They were awfully excited every time they won tickets. Man I love how excited they get and how I get to watch it and get excited with them for free. Anyway, after I found out the point system, I bought the remaining nieces and nephew blow up swords. Traffic in the area was horrid. Less people should be hired, and more cones utilized in their stead. Ridiculously confusing.


Afterwards I went up to Herriman with two of my sisters to watch Churtis and the twins play in an inflatable water slide. Like it has a pump like one of those bounce houses constantly keeping it inflated, and when removed it just deflates. Kind of nice. And later was a picnic in the park with friends followed by a movie.









Here are some pictures of Claire with a blanket. She is so cute to watch with it. And I absolutely adore how happy she always is. It's fetching awesome, and she's like that even when Curtis is smothering her with his brotherly love.


It really is amazing that they get along so well. They both adore each other, which I think is providential since they're both adopted.













Today I skipped my church again. I mean, I went to church, just not my church. I've passed the stage of anonymity in my ward, and I don't so much like it. Devin has the same thing going on in his ward, only his is later, so I went with him, which happens when I sleep through my ward. Is it bad that I don't like people knowing who I am and being nice to me solely out of Christian charity? I mean, I like them and that they have it, but it's kind of awkward when you've been practically inactive for the last year, and people occasionally saying hello and calling you by name is all the effort exerted towards you, with no realization that you're not around on a regular basis and that you're not as strong spiritually as you'd like. So I'd rather they didn't have it towards me. They really are nice people, but I've made an effort on not a few occasions to sit to and talk to people, and still I'm just kind of there. Leaving me wanting to go back to not knowing anyone and not feeling so awkward about having been there so long and still not knowing anyone well. I'd rather just be there for the religion part, and not the socializing. That said I either need to find a new ward with at least one friend, or find a new ward with no friends and get in and out as soon as possible, so I can focus on feeling the spirit and not feeling the awkwardness instead of the spirit I should be feeling. Man that all sounds more pathetic put down in writing. I swear it's not that big of a deal and I'm not sweating it when I'm not openly analyzing it, but it's become a lot like distance running lately, and I do hate feeling uncomfortable more than pretty much anything out there--which leads to developing my excellent avoidance skills. The next post I swear I'll do something useful and post some Germany pics.

I discovered a bruise on my leg today, which is weird because I've been too inactive lately to warrant a bruise on my leg.

So I changed my blog layout, and it's kind of throwing me off. I think I need more things on the sidebar, so that will be my next project.

Today I found and lost the bike of my dreams. Or at least a semblance of the bike. All they had in was the fixie version, and I refuse to pay that much money to have a fixed gear in this mountainous state, but I paid for the geared up version and apparently they're all currently stuck in Italy:( Stupid Italy, like they need all those bikes. So I plan on waiting around for a few weeks because it's THAT perfect, but man I'd love to be riding on it right now. Sumie was nice enough to come with me because she clearly knows what to look for as she's more knowledgeable in the area of bikes, and we looked around all sorts of bike shops today, and ended up finding it where we least expect to find any acceptable bikes. It was next to the B&D burger where we met Devin for lunch. So basically I can't join the bike gang they've started until I get the bike. Conditions of the bike gang are that we have to wear a reflective leg band. Check. Then we have to be willing to take on all the little teen bike gangs that are all over Salt Lake, with their stylish, yet impractical due to all of the hills in SL, fixies and matching tattoos (thus one can see reason number 2 why buying a fixie would be unacceptable). Check check. Unless we actually have to take anyone on. I'm not suitable for anything more than a sarcastic comment here and there.


Imagine this bike with a rack on the back and plastic rim guards on the tires to prevent mud or water from being thrown onto your back. Then imagine it 20 times prettier and lighter and magnificent in person.


I also dragged my little sis out to ikea yesterday and bought a bookcase, finally, so now I'll be more inclined to clean my room with yet one more place to put things. I still need another, both wider and less tall, but this will be a nice start for now. I was having a hard time looking for and finding really tall (though not so much that it wouldn't be able to be transported in my little Toyota Corolla), not all that wide (given the small area I've shoved it into), cheap, and not ridiculously heavy considering I had
to carry it up the many winding stairs to my house, by myself mind you. So now my room is just as messy as ever, but with one more thing in it. A very large, though now put together, thing. I'll get on it though. Maybe that should be on my agenda...in a few days. Unfortunately tomorrow is booked. I get to go to Chuck E. Cheeses in the day time (yay!) and eat pizza in the park in the night time. Man that's a lot of pizza I just realized. It's my nieces birthday, so I'm super excited to see all my adorable nieces and nephews, especially since I broke down and bought a new camera. In my defense, it was off KSL.com, so it wasn't all that expensive, and it was brand new unopened. Plus it's an exact copy of my old camera (see previous post entry for picture), so I can pretend it did make it's way home from Germany, if I stretch my imagination enough and also forget about all the pictures on the memory card that was in that camera that didn't actually make it back. Stupid, stupid Melissa. The park thing is a double date with two friends. It's always nice to date as a favor to a friend, let me tell you. I think I'll become a nun, once I figure out how to cultivate chocolate from cocoa beans. But at least I'm getting out. Saturday is semi full, complete with tea time at one. Man do I miss clotted cream and scones, the best part about living in England. The worst part about living in England? All the weight one gains from eating clotted cream on a daily basis, not to mention the heart attacks that will later ensue.



And lastly, I finally saw Prince Caspian today. It was pretty good, though the song at the end was unexpected and, I felt, out of place.

I wish I made more money.

So, it's been a long time and I've actually really missed writing on here. I think it subtly may have been affecting my mood, not being able to write what I'm thinking. Anyway, without my camera (which I've come to the conclusion will be staying in Germany if it hasn't yet made it back yet) it's just not quite the same. This makes 2 cameras I've lost out of stupidity (the first being the one I drove away with on the top of my car). I miss the pictures on the memory cards more than the cameras. I intended to write on here as soon as I had all my pictures, but since that won't be happening I'll have to make do with those I have. Thank goodness I had the forsight to download all of them onto Kristen's computer up until the point I left my camera in Lupe's car. Only I'm not really in the mood to post those now, so there you go.

RIP lost camera, I'll miss you

For the first time since summer's actually began it's actually gorgeous weather outside on my off week of work. It's rained every week I've had off till now. It really is amazing how much the weather can affect one's mood. I'm in a slight funk as of recent, and hopefully I'll pull myself out of it. Crazy to feel so alone in life when you have so much to live for. I'm thinking tomorrow will be my low key day where I can hopefully find bookshelves for my room, look at some bikes (?), clean my room again, read, and maybe draw some and throw some (on my pottery wheel). Hopefully I will feel the motivation to get things done. Maybe I will break down and buy myself another camera.

Today was a day filled with briefly looking into bikes (I'm in the market and I fell in love with one that has a similar design to the one in the picture), helping with my parent's business by flaming acrylic mounts in the garage, babysitting youngsters, and a birthday dinner for Dave at the Cheesecake Factory following my Mario Party on the Wii. I then proceeded to eat my feelings at home (via that pistachio cheesecake), so I'm currently feeling pretty okay. My nephew was pretty funny today, which most 4 year olds are, telling me stories about a "Jeff" who lives in America, Utah, and eats chocolate covered pink ants he gets at the ant store for every meal, and about Caxon and Baxon finding fluffy and skinny cows to make blankets out of, but not here on Earth because then we would have no cows. And apparently there are some people here on Earth who sometimes DO eat cows. I couldn't make myself tell him that we were some of those people. During the whole babysitting experience we watched Monster House, then played "Throw the Turkey," where you know, we threw and caught a turkey, and throughout all of this I learned that my 9 month old niece can be endlessly entertained if she somehow comes across a simple blanket, which she will then roll around in giggling for hours. Up until this point I thought that she was hard to take care of because she does not stay still for one second, and is curious about everything...though to be fair she is the happiest baby I've ever seen.

Neglect at its finest.

Ah, the forgotten blog. I feel bad about this, but I'm at a point where I can give you no love. Maybe when school ends, and I'm back from Germany, I'll be able to give you the love you deserve. Some new pictures to spruce up your wall, some meaningful thoughts... And to make it worse I have been frequenting facebook quite often. I thought it was stupid when I first logged on, but have since changed my mind. Along with the high school friends I don't mind having on there, there are all the college friends who I haven't seen in quite some time, work friends, old single's ward friends, Florida friends, good friends not in Utah... And for every stupid application there is one that is a gem, and totally addictive. Like Owned! I've been buying people like crazy, except for all of my expensive friends. They'll have to wait. It's surprising how many people have bought me, and if that doesn't bolster your ego, I don't know what will. They're all strangers, and they can't view my profile, just the picture. When you get bought by some dude in Norway, your day has come.

(this is in no way affiliated with the facebook appy, but I still like it)

So school ends very soon. I'm so excited, and so panicked, I don't know what to do. I have a paper due, multiple case studies, 3 finals to study for, and still I don't know what to do. I need to finish my paper on porphyrias for starters. Then study micro. I can put off Clin Chem for one more day, but I don't know when I'm going to fit coag in once I start work Tuesday. I probably ought to start studying today, which means I really need to get off of the internet. I also need to pack. I think that will happen in a rush and will most likely be disastrous. But I'm going to Germany! Emmy mostly has done the planning, so it will be a surprise what we do for the most part, but I was told to buy hazelnut icecream from the street venders, so if anyone else has suggestions, look no farther than here. Post em, email em, text em... I really would like to get the most out of this experience, but I have zero planning time. Not that doesn't come without the guilt of not studying anyway. I'm not sure how I manage to do all this other stuff without guilt actually.

Plan B

I haven't written in a while. School has me in a corner. A corner of unhappiness. Extreme unhappiness. That's all I'm going to say about that, except that I'm sick of multiple weekly tests, papers, presentations, case studies abounding, and random homework assignments to fill in all the spaces of time we don't have when we've rarely had homework up to this point. This last month was poorly planned amongst my professors, and I haven't a drop of motivation left in me.

On that happy note, I finished my blook bank presentation today, have a paper due tomorrow, 2 tests the next day and then I have no more classes. Sure, I have 3 finals the week next, but I don't work any of the days working up to it, so I'm pretty psyched. I think I'm going to do my paper on porphyrias (the disease that helped bring about myths of vampires and wherewolves), and I've already researched to the point where I don't think it will be too difficult, once I force myself to bust it out, which I will do at work tonight. I haven't quite decided what I'm going to do about my tests on Wednesday, but I take comfort in the knowledge that if I can just manage to not fail, I won't have another damn class till at next November. If I do fail, I won't have to take any tests/classes until a much longer time period, but that is not the preferable option as I would be retaking classes...and if I have no motivation now, I sure as well won't have any more next year.

Likely I'll quit school and join the circus. This has been my plan for some time (almost as long as I've been attending college), but I have yet to find and perfect a skill that would make me desireable to the circus. I can't juggle, I like heights but my legs always shake even when I'm not at all scared, and clowns are a diabolical invention. I suppose I could take hromones and grow a mustache and beard, but I think it would be itchy, and I don't think the circus likes to expose the freaks as they once did. I know the circus sometimes gets a bad wrap for the exposition of animals and subsequent cruelty, but after reading the Life of Pi, I think maybe it might be not be so bad after all, perhaps. If the trainer makes himself the top dog to a bunch of lions, and they think he's the top lion because in the wild a real lion would be in his place and they would instinctively be stepping down and subjecting themselves to him...who are we to say it isn't just as good as how it happens in nature, especialy if the animal doesn't know any different? Dogs have been made to believe they're human, and I learned on a podcast not to long ago that there do exist retirement homes for retired show biz chimps, and they can watch tv whenever they want. Just a thought, and I'm probably wrong, but if I'm going to work for the circus I must tell myself these things.

April 6th, 2008

Have I mentioned that I really love the idea of writing about things I've done on here and posting pictures of said things? In theory it's a marvelous thing, but I never quite get it in practice. I enjoy writing stuff, and can accomplish such with little to no thought or effort on my part. Yet the picture thing eludes me. I have them (I take pictures of everything for no reason whatsoever most of the time, except for the obvious reason of that I enjoy doing so), but downloading them onto my computer and from there arranging them onto here is more work than I usually have the desire to undertake. I think it's the ADD present in me. My sort of friend Jerry complained that no pictures on a blog is "lame," and I kind of agree with him. I'm a visual person, and it's nice to have things grab you like that, thus being the reason why I have so many bloody pictures in the first place. Nevertheless, that's what happened to the Mexico post, Semi Fun Week, Easter...so don't be holding your breath for them. I would eventually like to put them on here though. I will untill then inevitably write it off as something I will hopefully do when I'm less busy. As is usually the case though, when one has the time to write there is nothing to write, and when there is something of interest to depart there are better things to do than to write and download pictures. It's so much easier to get them randomly from the internet. Case in point.
As usual I will blame my lack of a desire towards any forward movement, on school and work. The fact that they force me forward with so many things makes me all the more likely to dig in my heals when it comes to every other aspect of my life that I have to force in any way. My room is still half-way cleaned, half-way wanting to be cleaned, as is the case with my car, and every other project I have. That, of course, being what I'm naturally good at. I have unfinished projects stemming from the very earliest parts of my childhood. I have an elaborate nativity set of handstitched dolls/animals with wood, leather, cloth and metal components (for realism's sake) I started making for my grandmother at the age of 10 (and the parts I finished are rather impressive if I do say so myself), a miniature model of my house I started when I was about 12 (only the basement of which I finished, and which I ultimately stopped because as time elapsed my real life house changed enough that it became difficult to render the model in the way I had wanted to), wooden marionette puppets in various degrees of creation from my marrionette puppet phase... These days I still have that damn mountain dew tree, my ImmunoCAP 1000 pinata, countless clay things, photo albums, writings... Bah.

I started cleaning my room while watching Conference today. It made me wish there were more days of Conference to look forward to, because I can always relax and think of good and productive things when watching Conference, and I don't feel badly about putting off unpleasant thoughts, like papers and projects due. Of course, I will not be able to watch the rest of Conference (though I will still download and listen to it), and so I must instead get geared up for work over the next few days, and writing papers and making projects. Thankfully this is not too bad of a feat. I mean, busy work like this semester comprises is time consuming, and I have a natural tendency to avoid it, but when I actually make myself do it I find myself enjoying it. I like writing. I like coming up with random power point presentations. I hate the time limits entailed, but you can't have everything. I even like work when I'm not bored, and things are starting to pick up since Summer is prime allergy testing season. I will end with a picture of the baby I am using in my power point presentation of Hemolytic Disease of the Newborn. I think anytime a baby is wearing tye dye clothing, it should be worked into any and every presentation possible.

Save the Puppies

So, I was at my parent's house today, spending my Saturday off just chillin,' when all of the sudden I hear this knock at the door. I yell "come in!" because I'm expecting my sister Lee Ann to show up any minute. My lil' sis chides me because I guess it could be biker dudes, or someone else we wouldn't want to come into our house. So as my mother gets up to answer the door I look out the window. There is a little person at the door, and at first I think it's my niece, but then I remember that my sister isn't bringing any of her kids with her. I follow my mother to the door just as my sister's chihuahua rushes out the in a flurry of activity jumping up and barking at the small child standing at our door. She is flustered for obvious reasons. I start to get excited because I think she's selling candy. I love buying candy from children. I remember how shy I was in elementary school, and how I was too afraid to sell anything at peoples' doors, so I like making it easier on the little guys. Plus, I like candy, and I feel more justified in eating it when I've acquired for a good cause. I actually remember broaching this very subject with a guy I dated for a while, only it was one of a hundred we talked about that day on the phone and I forgot I'd mentioned it the second it'd left my mouth. The next date we went on he said, "I have a surprise for you." He then drove us by a neighborhood he had passed that day where little kids were selling chocolate bars at a table they'd set up, and he proceeded to buy me a selection of candy bars. That was a good day. Anyway, back to the child at my parent's door.

The dog stopped jumping up and down and started running after her friend riding a scooter down the road. I chased after the dog. As soon as she was back in the house I walked to where my sister and mother and the little girl stood, and we attempted to get out of her what she wanted to say. I asked her what she had there, becuase she was holding a piece of paper, and she handed me the page displayed at the top of the post. She then said some things that I assume were so jumbled because of her traumatic experience with the tiny dog. I very distinctly heard something about "saving puppies," and when I asked what puppies she replied, "we heard people were killing them." I said thank you and she rushed off before we found out which people and what puppies, but I did gain a rather attractive piece of paper that shows my support of their heroic cause. For a while there I thought we were about to be bamboozled into taking a puppy, but alas, such was not the case.

Meanwhile my little sister thinks that her car was broken into last night because she watched Baywatch that night. And right now she "needs a picture of Jesus." (She's in charge of Sharing Time tomorrow in Primary). Luckily only some burned cds and a couple of dog purses were stolen. Man, people are stupid. Don't they know that there are puppies being killed out there?

In other matters; Enablex has a commercial with a bunch of water balloons at a high school reunion. What, the, heck? Who came up with this idea, and how did they get their job? WHO let this happen? Is one supposed to take this drug seriously? That really had nothing to do with anything, but I was rather appalled, so I decided to address it.

Realizations

So it's official: my life sucks real bad right now. So bad, that I purposely fudged the grammer of that last sentence.

Today in particular left me feeling uncertain of just about everything in my life right now. I found out for sure that next year I will be by myself in the way of rotations at school, or rather, partnered with no one I know. They all chose amidst each other, and I was the odd one out. It definitely feels like I'm without friends in my life right now, or at least any that live anywhere near by, or who really care, or so it feels like. Man that's pathetic, but what can you do? It's my own fault for being too busy to foster any of my friendships, but I can't do anything about that now. School and work have made it too hard for anything else, and I don't have the energy to do anything about it, or the money to quit my job. Anyway, I'm venting here, because that's what I do, and there aren't a lot of other options that don't involve me cowering in a corner eating my hair, or going crazy more violently by keeping it all inside. Besides, I figure this isn't read often enough to matter to anyone but myself.

This year in particular has been one of the hardest of my life. I find myself asking myself constantly, "what am I doing here? I'm not particularly happy, I'm stressed out, things that I used to like school-wise I'm becoming increasingly disenchanted with because of all of the stress..." At this point I'm only sticking it out because I'm so close to being done, and because I don't want these last few years to have come to nothing. I'm 24, and I have yet to attain any college degrees. I'm so ready to be done with school. I know I'm not even going to be in this field forever, yet I feel I have to stick it out. I have to have that back up plan before I do something that is unlikely to work, but I'll be happier doing. And my parents are proud of me right now. I'm not sure why, but I would hate to disappoint them after all this time. I originally wanted to go into something stable and well paying enough that I could support them in their old age if they needed it, because I worry about them, and they've taken care of me my whole life. But I think they're smart enough in their savings that they'll be all right. And we're the only thing they actually worry about, so if I'm not happy, they won't be. But they are getting older, and I just wish that they did't always have to work so hard...

I'm actually not really sure what I'll do after this, but I know it has to get better. Art, English Literature, Archeology...just about anything would be better and more interesting I think. It's not that science is uninteresting though. I'm just too fascinated by all aspects of life to tie myself completely to science. I just want ot get out and into the world already. But first I need to work on being a more likable person who doesn't bring everyone else down with me. Any suggestions? If I don't even like myself, I can't very well expect anyone else to.

I do worry about graduating and finding myself alone though, with everyone I knew before having moved on and away. I've never been very good at making new friends, so it's a good thing I'm too busy with school and work to worry too much about these things. Anyway, I'm pretty sure God still likes me at least, so if I can work on my relationship there, everything will turn out okay I think.

Lazing about on a Saturday

Today was one of the first days this year that Ive woken up feeling refreshed and entirely devoid of stress. Man, I can't wait till summer. I woke up at about noon (terrible, I know, but I was tired, and I stayed up later than usual eating ice cream with my twin 4 year old nieces--I'm such a rebel). Anyway, I woke up, tried to transfer stuff from my old-not-working-very-well phone to my new-working-better phone, showered, then my friend Devin and I went to get some lunch (both of us pretending it was already summer the whole time--we both wore shorts and refused to think otherwise, even when it started to snow--because the sun was shining for the first time in a while, at least initially, that either of us happened not to work), then to this little store I found the week before last that sells pipes. It sells all sorts of tobacco products actually, but we were all about the pipes. Don't worry, I'm not about to start a smoking habit any time soon...or ever for that matter. But I did somehow get it set in my mind that Devin should get his "author" pictures taken in jeans and a t shirt with a pipe in his hand (he's written 2 books already and is about to have the first published); in black and white of course, which was his plan already. Something about pipes just makes people look more intelligent. Nothing says "buy me" like a picture on the back of a book with the author holding a pipe. The jeans say, "I'm casual and down to earth," the pipe says, "I'm really smart, see...I'm holding a pipe." Anyway, with these thoughts in my head, I went in search of a pipe for Devin. I eventually found one and realized that not only do pipes make you look smarter, but they also make you feel smarter. I decided that I couldn't do without my newfound pipe. I studied much better that night because of it, I'm just sure of it.


So naturally, Devin was jealous of my pipe. I let him hold it a few times, but it just wasn't enough for him--he had to have one of his own. We found ourselves in this pipe shop, perusing through their pipe selection. A lot of thought went into it, vibes were felt, and eventually we found the pipe that screamed, "Devin." The dude there said he knew the minute Devin picked it up that it'd be the one he left with. How's that for fate? Anyway, we both decided that we might start collecting pipes. I love collecting things; I collected coins, marrionette puppets, rocks smoothed out and shaped like eggs, pens, playing cards, as well as tea sets for a time. And I love pipes, even though the thought of smoking kind of revolts me. Hopefully Germany will have a nice selection when I go.


After the pipe buying we headed to Smith's Marketplace and I bought a few movies--including The Sound of Music. I've had a hankering to watch it for over a year now, and I only just decided to do something about it. We also looked for Gigi, which I wanted Devin to see, because it's French (sort of), and for someone who loves musicals he sure hasn't seen a lot of the classics. Leslie Caron, Hermione Gingold, Maurice Chevalier, filmed in black and white...need I add any more recommendations to it than that? We ended up going to the City Library, which is I love because it has one of the most impressive layouts I've come across with the added bonus of being full of books, and I finally got a library card there. I hadn't before this point strangely enough; I just had a county one. We found the movie, but we still ended up watching The Sound of Music. Devin thought he hated it before, having seen it last over 8 years ago, but it turns out he actually loves it. There's not much not to love. Amazing aerial shots of beautiful mountains and other Austrian scenery/landscapes, amazing music unparalleled--when it comes to pretty much everything else, excellently thought out humor, nazis, and at times touchingly sad moments...it's no wonder it made it onto AFI's 100 top movies of all times--the watching of all said movies being one which I've recently undertaken. I'm about 5 down so far, in case you were wondering.

So that was my casual, stress free Saturday.

Pretty Uglies

That picture of myself on the last post is freaking me out, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. That's really the only reason I'm writing. I still need to post the already written Mexico/Cali post, but I have yet to get my computer to load all of the pictures I want onto it. I do have the pictures from Becca now, but with all of the testing going on in my life right now, I can't make myself dedicate too much time to it (my mac has a weird way of dealing with things like pictures, and for some reason it doesn't like these ones).

Anyway, spring break is coming up soon, and I am so looking forward to sleeping in every day. And reading books of leasure. Plus it's getting warm, so who knows, maybe I'll throw open the doors to my garage and throw some stuff on my pottery wheel as well. I think I may start to plan my summer too. Semi Fun Week part 2 has to take place, and tickets to Germany bought, and possible sky diving? I will have work, but it's so nice to not have to go in till 2.

I still have one day of school to go though, and probably the worst test yet in blood bank. I am feeling good though, because I did well on the last test in this class, so if I do relatively well on this one I think I'll be alright. Today was my last blood bank lab, which is good and bad. I actually liked the lab, though the lecture is easy to get behind in, and we always did interesting tests to see whose blood could be crossmatched with whose (for the record, Steven can give me his blood, but mine would kill him--we crossmatched our serum and blood to each other). I found this simplistic drawing of a lamp and mirror to test for agglutination in test tubes, which is what we did all year. Cute, huh?
I also have my last day of my micro practical exam tomorrow. I've done much better on this exam than the last one (meaning I had no anxiety attacks in the middle of class), and for this one we were dealing with the identifications of upwards of 10 different organisms instead of the 3 we had last time. I spent the first day doing gram stains and innoculations for about 2 and a half hours, the second day doing just about everything I could in the 4 hours it took me to do it (2 of said hours entirely dedicated to additional gram stains) as well as subculturing organisms and finding my anaerobe, yesterday I spent about the same amount of time setting up enteric batteries, and tests for coagulase, CAMP, reverse CAMP, Bile Esculin, Flo, Tech, broths for motility at different temperatures, catalase, oxidase, anaerobics on Egg Yolk Agar, A discs, P discs, 0129 discs, an X and V selective test... I'm kind of tiring of it all, yet at the same time I think I'll miss it. "It" being that particular class's lab. Of course during this week alone I've managed to burn myself with a wire loop streaking plates, had part of my microscope just fall off another, broke numerous slides...but all in all it's been a fun lab to be in. I'm actually surprised to see that I know what I'm doing in there most of the time, which is nice. Also, it's all been open book (including during practicals), which makes an otherwise impossible task doable. I also like my teacher in there best, though I'm not so sure about how much she likes me. Regardless though, she's fair, sympathetic (she changes test dates for us all of the time, and gives the most helpful reviews outlining everything we need to know for tests), and I've learned a lot. Plus it's just interesting stuff to begin with. Although we did have a pretty gross lecture today with a lot of chancre and genital warts pictures. I think I'll include much prettier pictures than I was subjected to today in the form of all of the organisms I've been dealing with/performing tests on this week.


Note the delightful metallic sheen that is Pseudomonas. It's always nice to get stuff like this, because you know just looking at it what it is, and then you just have to prove it by doing follow up tests.






Morganella morganii has this nice orange tint when grown on sheep's blood, and most things are only white/gray/clear on sheep's blood agar






Escherichia coli; a nice dry colony that happens to be the second highest bacteria present in our digestive tract





You have to love Proteus. Other than that they ruin your DNAse tests when they swarm all over the place. You'll note the lovely purple swarming on this plate, reminiscent of ripples in water. Also an unmistakable i.d. just by looking at it




Clostridium is anaerobic, and therefore I couldn't culture it till I discovered it in my TCBS broth 2 days in. On the left of this egg yolk agar is Clostridium difficile, which is oily because it's lipase positive, and on the right is Clostridium perfringenes, which is milky because it is lecithinase positive.


Serratia marcescens is one of my other favorites because it has a red pigment, not to be mistaken with the hot pink that is produced on MAC agar by lactose fermentors. The background is clear, yet the colony is red (a lactose fermentor still has a light pinkish background, which is the plates natural color). Here it looks orange.




Streptococcus pneumoniae is a very wet looking thing. You can imagine what it looks like inside of you.






This is a beta hemolytic species of Strep. Beta meaning that when the organism consumes the nutrient rich sheep blood agar, it lyses the blood cells entirely and consumes them to get this lovely yellow color that you can see your fingers through if you're holding them behind it. Alpha hemolytic, on the other hand, is a yucky green background under the colonies.

Bacillus cereus is pretty self-explanatory when it comes to how cool looking it is. Sadly I had Listeria this week instead, which makes up for that fact only because it's microscopic movement at room temperature is just plain adorable.


So I have all of my organisms identified this week except for two at this point, due to my coag and enterics battery not turning out (I think I innoculated the wrong thing on the latter, considering my LIA lacked a characteristic bordeau color and I'm positive I have a Proteus species because of all the spreading happening on my sheep's blood agar plate).