Stuff

Haven't written in a while, so I suppose that should be remedied. A lot has happened since last I did of course, but I always forget the things before I can say anything about them. I actually came to the conclusion recently that I don't precisely have a bad memory, per say, at least in the sense where I don't remember things having happened (I actually usually remember events pretty vividly for the most part), but my sense of time is skewed in relation to them. I never remember when things happened; e.g. how long ago, on what day of the week, etc. You could say my depth perception in regards to memory is busted. Last week, last year...they're pretty much the same in my mind. When asked what I did on my off week, the answer will always be, "I'm not really sure." Yet minute things will remind me of the events that transpired, eventually, and boy...then try to get me to shut up. Of course, that's events. Facts and learned things are gone for good after so long without regular reviewing.

So, I'm still moving. That's about the extent of what's happening to me right now. I get the question of whether I have or not yet every few days it seems. Alas, I wish I had already, but I still have to deal with the whole process. My room is actually a mess, and I'll be moving the bulk of it tomorrow into one of my parents' trailers they cleaned out for the occasion. Think a horse trailer, only its never housed horses or any living things. These are the kinds of things my parents find and accumulate. I'm super glad work is over for the week, but I've had hairline stresses towards just about everything for a while now, with all that's happening, so I really haven't planned my off week like I should have. Technically this week should be Semi Fun Week, part Summer, but I just can't do it while I'm worried about moving, so I'll have to put it off another couple of weeks. It really shouldn't make a huge difference with my upcoming school schedule.

Speaking of which...my lab management class on Monday afternoons/nights is horribly boring. Think 1&1/2 to 2 hours of guest lecturers talking about how to be leaders in a lab setting, defining things like organization and referral power. I think it should be pretty painful, but it is surprisingly welcoming to suddenly see all the people I became so accustomed to seeing on a daily basis, but haven't in fact seen since school ended.

In other news, I'm going to spend my birthday this weekend with some people in Clark's cabin in Idaho. Something about a cabin in the middle of nowhere, along with people I've known since elementary school (thus being as comfortable around them as one can around other people), is very relaxing to think upon. I can be my annoying self and not worry as much about whether I'm driving people away or not. I mean, if they've put up with me for this long, what could I do to succeed at driving them away?

Ummm, let's see...I did check out some excellent concerts this last week, and they definitely warrant mentions. The Thursday before last was Clap Your Hands Say Yeah at the Gallivan Center, with Delta Spirit opening.
I hadn't heard of the latter, but they were quite excellent. Of course I already loved Clap Your Hands before then, and everyone loves a free concert. I was only disappointed they didn't bring t shirts for the buying. Heidi and I actually biked down and back, so that was a good experience in and of itself. One of these days I will succeed at a healthy lifestyle. Then there's always old dancing man, who is at every concert with his own choreographed moves, and who I enjoy watching about as much as anything.Wilco with Fleet Foxes at Red Butte Gardens was that following Monday, and man was that a amazing show. 1 beautiful garden amphitheater outdoors (duh), 2 great bands, 2 people I like going to/seeing shows with, and the ability to bring in anything you want in with you (which we didn't utilize, but it's nice to know we could have brought in a cooler of beer or whatever if we'd wanted to). It was much better than I was thinking it would be actually, and so I'm really glad I stumbled onto what I thought was a glitch in the Red Butte website--at the time--that resulted in me getting tickets at a reasonable price (meaning the original price charged before the show was sold out within seconds of having tickets for sale). It also felt like a really long show, which is a good thing when you like what you're hearing. This Thursday was Broken Social Scene at the Gallivan. Fan-freaking-tastic. I loooooove them so much. And they were free. I still can't believe they got them to come. Again, bikes were ridden to and from the show. It was slightly marred by the fact that I was less and less fond of the opening act more and more as their set progressed, and that the concert in and of itself felt really short. It wasn't of course, but when they were done I sooo wanted more. I could have listened to them all night; there were so many things I wanted to hear them play that it just wouldn't have been feasible for them to do so, in any given situation other than a daydream. It only could have been better if they had gotten Feist to come with them, thus enabling them to play many a song from the You Forget it in People album. So in short, it was excellent. I did also get a flat tire being stupid on my bike on the ride home. But I got it fixed before I rode down to the Farmer's Market this weekend, so no lasting harm was done. And I got a CO2 canister for any future mishaps.
So this really has no relevance on any level to anything, but a month or so ago I bought a large box of Foster Farms corn dogs, and they might be the worst thing that's ever happened to me. In the sense that I'm incapable of not eating them. I've always enjoyed them on occasion, usually while babysitting at my sisters' house, because it seems anyone with kids has them in their freezer. I used to think it was about the quality of the actual hot dog. It's not. It's all in the double dipped honey batter. For some reason I don't get sick of them, so I've devoured most of the whole box. Heaven help me if I ever buy them again.

Differenter Plans

So I decided the basement idea won't work at all. I was set and resigned to my fate until I randomly texted my friend Mody the other day to see how she was doing, and it turns out my guardian angel, Birdie, talked to her about my needing a new place. As it happens, she has a room open in her place in Sugarhouse, and I looked at it yesterday. Her roommate was nice, and she's super awesome herself, so the only qualms I have is moving all of my many things out there (I hate the moving process), and possibly the lighting. I'm so dumb with things like that. Lighting affects my mood, but so do roommates who talk blowhorn style into their phones and say the F word 5 or 6 times in the course of a 5 minute phone call. I had totally forgotten this was a common occurrence because my memory sucks, and it really makes it worse that you can hear everything from my room. It wouldn't be a problem in the basement, but the new roommate would surely have a problem with this as much as I do unless they were already friends with said roommate, and I predict drama. Did I mention I think she's a great person? I'm going to have a ridiculous amount of studying next semester though, and I won't be able to pull it off with the noise, even if there isn't additional noise provided by other people. And she is dramatic, as this particular phone call proved. Pure drama at that Olive Garden in Sandy. Man I'm getting good at whining about my life. Hopefully that will change with my surroundings.

Anyway, I think Liz would let me buy new lamps...perhaps? The room looks much the same size as my one now, but there are 2 closets. The house is just below Sugarhouse park and the neighborhood looks okay. It's nothing compared to my house now, because my backyard and all the greenery are nothing short of awesome, and hammock spot, but you give and choose a little when it comes to these things.

So now I need to tell Meg and Jackie. I don't know if our landlord will trust Jackie and 2 new people to stay there though, so I need to talk to Meg about the options first. As much as I'm partially afraid of Jackie's reaction, I'm worried about Meg's because I don't want her to think less of me. Moving out to live with mormons and all. I respect her a lot, and have loved living with her. And I hope to hang out with her before she moves to New York this November now that we both have actual time to hang out. She said I should come visit her and JC in New York and stay with them, which I told her would happen if she actually invited me, and she totally did, so there you go.

Now I just have to think about how to go about this...

Plans

Up until today I was on a family plan with my little sis. That is until this bad boy arrived. I guess its Sprint's answer to the iphone (Oh, when will they outgrow their sibling rivalry), and unfortunately it didn't come with the fire. My friend at work Jon kept trying to get me to get an iphone because I was due for an upgrade, and I kept trying to tell him I didn't want one, at which point he kept telling me I was lame, at which point I told him he was an insufferable jerk. He says these things because his main joy in life and at work is to get a rise out of me and to tell the truth as little as possible. And so he happens to be my favorite co worker. Then I told him my plan was up and I wasn't sure what I wanted to do.

It turns out Jon pays about 30 bucks a month for unlimited texts and web through Sprint. He does this by essentially cheating the system. It's an employee discount, but he doesn't know any employees. They actually raised the price to 60 bucks since he signed on, which sucks, but its still cheaper than if I got a limited internet plan through cingular or any other company I could find, including Sprint without the discount (which runs around a 100 bucks). And it's only 10 bucks more than my current plan. Anyway, so Jon got me this discount, hereby proving that underneath his insupportable demeanor, he actually is a pretty decent human being.

The phone has GPS on it, which frankly is the #1 reason I got it (I told you the whole iphone thing didn't really interest me). It's exciting really with my sense of direction. I only wish it had a British accent. And it has tv, which is nice, but probably won't be used. The email thing will be nice, but again isn't essential or anything. And it has a little pen. It's a touch screen, so there you go. I basically got a phone because it had GPS and a little pen. Plus through signing up with Sprint it really wasn't that bad of a price--much less than Cingular ever has been. They actually rip you off on phone prices there more than anywhere else. And I figured I should get a phone that took advantage of the unlimited net feature.

In other news, I'm moving into the basement. I've been looking into finding places to move, and it's just a lot of effort and isn't very fruitful, especially given all the stress it's causing me. My new plan is to find a new ward and move into the only room in the house where you can't hear everything else in the house no matter where you are. It also has better lighting, which is surprisingly a big deal for me. Jackie--bless her heart--I don't think realizes she's as loud as she is. She's actually a pleasant person to be around, but I realized today, when we were talking to someone looking at our house, she talks a few decibels louder than the average person. I'd suspected as much, which is why is was harder to study last semester on occasion. It wasn't a huge deal most of the time, but it played its little part in why I might possibly be moving out. But the basement should be better, and chances are if I'm not being all that social from here, it's not going to change by living with a bunch of new strangers. The not mormon thing isn't actually a huge problem, or hasn't been. With the exception of New Years and the Superbowl; which after our chat had better not be happening at our house with booze this year. That's what friends are for, is my opinion.

Update

I think my mind is clearer today than yesterday, yet muddier than ever. I talked to Jackie...kind of in a roundabout way I can't even take credit for, but I think most of the things that needed saying were said, in addition to the things that came across all wrong...and things will be alright. I still have no idea what I'm doing, but who really does? I really do like Jackie, and I respect how she lives her life even if it's not the way I live mine, so I feel awful that she's felt guilty in any way for the things she has no reason to be ashamed of. It's okay we're different people. I just need a change, and moving would be the easiest. That is, if it were easy to find housing.

I took down the ad I put on KSL and Jackie put up a new one. I don't know if it's possible to find someone who will work for both of us, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to see while I'm figuring things out. After I explained the me being a crappy mormon thing and wanting a new ward and roommates with LDS standards so it's not just one more thing making life harder than it should be...well, she said she wouldn't have alcohol in the house and wouldn't invite crazy people over. I feel bad, because that is so totally nice of her to make an effort like that because she wants to keep me as a roommate, but why should I have all the say in things? If I were her I would say so long and farewell. But we both like our house and feel comfortable there. That's kind of a red flag for me a bit. Anytime you're too comfortable with a situation it makes it harder to grow, and boy do I need growing. I let her know I'm not sure what I need to be doing right now, but that I need to be doing something different and that moving is the only thing I can think of that would fulfill that requirement.

At the time I was at the Institute building looking at the housing posting board; I think I'll be looking into calling those people tomorrow, as well as letting people look at our house. Who knows what I'm doing. I think I'll have to have a good long pray tonight, and maybe things will be clearer tomorrow--if I get lucky. I just hate not knowing things. I hate not knowing if there are people out there who I could live with who'd bring out the more social person in me that I used to be. I know that person is not one that most of you have met or remember--unless I'm related to you--but I swear it was there more than just occasionally from the age of about 19 to 22 or so. I think I need to peel away the layer of bitter left over from school and who knows what else to get to the core of my buried motivation.

And so now I'm very tired. And though I think I've come to terms with it in my tired state, this week off has really sucked. Tomorrow's Saturday and no camping or fun activities are occurring. The next week, however, I will miss my family reunion. I might call in sick. Only I'd inform my boss I wasn't really sick. We shall see.

Bombshell

This week has officially been what I would call "taxing." I've been struggling within myself for the entirety of the week on whether I should move out at the end of the month when Meg leaves. Or whether I should just stay and find new roommates. I had a nice little list of the drawbacks and benefits drawn up, and just when I thought I'd made the right choice, an immovable bolder gets thrown in my way.

I have to admit that the main reason that kept me indecisive on the whole moving matter, that is until forced to make a decision (Meg approached me and told me she was moving out at the end of August and needed to tell our landlord Stratford whether I'd be moving out in the next couple of days so he'd have sufficient notice to rent out the house before the semester started, or that I'd be staying and finding roommates of my own) was that I didn't know if Jackie would be moving out or not. I like Jackie a lot, but I've decided I just can't stand to live with her. Apart from being loud and making it all but impossible to sleep or study when she's in the house, I just really need to be living with LDS standards wherever I am right now, especially with how weak I am spiritually. I'd like roommates I'd have the option of going to church with, or who would at least bring the Spirit I am currently incapable of bringing myself. And of course I wanted less noise for my last year of school with as much studying as I'll have to do, and Jackie is anything but quiet. The F word shouted dramatically in a variety of contexts in a house where you can hear everything in every room just isn't doing it for me now. And I'm ashamed to admit it, because it's really not her fault, but her laugh drives me crazy. It's high pitched, comes often, and it alone is often the reason it's so hard for me when I'm trying to sleep at night or study.

So Meg approached me at the beginning of the week and said she and Jackie would both be moving out, only if I was leaving Jackie might stay and have her sister and her kids move in there, but they needed two rooms. With me there this would be impossible (Yippee!) At this point I was still flirting with the idea of moving out, because on my list of reasons:

1) I really want a new ward. I feel badly about it, and I know it's my own fault I wasn't social to begin with (working every other Sunday and having poor social skills as I do were not conducive to this end), and now it's no wonder people don't approach the girl whose been in the ward for 2 years who doesn't talk to people. But I really just want a new start.

I debated like crazy on what I should do, and after looking into places for rent I came to the conclusion that finding a place

A) as close to school
B) as cheap as mine
C) with as much of a room as I have

would be impossible. Actually, it's impossible to find any one of those things while also finding LDS roommates. And I love my house. Other than how uncomfortable I feel with roommates I'm not really friends with, I love everything about it. Plus there's definitely something to be able to choose and reject potential candidates where you will, as opposed to being the one chosen or rejected. And I figured that if I really disliked my ward and it came to a choice between my inactivity or someone having mercy enough on me to let me into a ward outside of my boundaries, I'd at least have a shot at the new ward thing. Or the possibility of going to my old ward with roommates. Plus I'm lazy. I have no desire whatsoever to move my many many small and large things alike into another place I know will not be big enough to hold them. The idea of staying became more and more appealing. So I posted an ad on KSL.com. I was surprised how many responses I got. Kind of exciting actually. The balloon in my chest inflated.

So I randomly get this text message from Jackie this afternoon (technically yesterday now) saying that she's decided to stay too. I was floored. Apart from not understanding why she'd want to stay (she isn't a student, she works in Sandy, and we've never held more than a 5 minute conversation together--after all she was Meg's friend, not mine), I just can't do it. Both her and Meg somehow think it will be easier for me (I feel like they think her staying is a favor to me) to find one roommate as opposed to 2, but I've never been so stressed out in my life. I guarantee finding one roommate that both Jackie and I can agree on will be 10 times harder than 2 people only I have to agree on. In fact, if I can find anyone willing to live with Jackie, that tells me right there that I won't be able to live with them. I feel bad, but I'm just really tired of having booze and swearing in my house. I don't want drunk people at my house on New Years, or Superbowl Sunday this year. And now everyone who's coming to look at the house is expecting LDS standards, and I can no longer give that to them. I can't tell Jackie how to live her life any more than I can tell her to move out. After all it's just as much her place as mine. How do you go about telling someone these things? I'll have to have reasons for my actions whether I stay or go, and it will be highly awkward for sure.

It's now 630 in the morning. I haven't been up at this time in ages...at least not when I haven't been tired. I've been so anxious trying to figure out what to do that I can't sleep. I made an appointment for a girl to come look at the house before Jackie dropped the bombshell on me, and I'm totally stressed about what will happen when she's here and exposed to Jackie while touring the house. I have all these people coming to look at the house--thanks to the resounding success of my well written ad--and none of them will be acceptable now. And I find myself wanting to look at other places for me, and thinking about doing both that and showing this house until I find the courage to tell Jackie what I'm thinking...there's just not enough time in the day.

I really wish I could afford my own house right about now.

I haven't really been taking many pictures lately, since I've gotten used to not having a camera, then suddenly having one again. And though things are happening to me, I don't really feel like writing about any of them. Strange.

But I do really, really feel like writing. So here I shall write:

Apparently dodo birds were not really as stupid as people think. Nor were they as fat. I learned this one night at work when in boredom Jon and Brock and I researched it. We also learned that Wikipedia does not like it when you add falsehoods or fibs to their entries. The dodo bird was simply used to living in a place (on some island near Africa in the Indian Ocean) where it had absolutely no predators, and it evolved from its pigeon and dove family members without flight, taking advantage of the fact that it was so large and had no competition. You could say they were quite admirable in their fearlessness towards people; a friendly bird. And one that didn't taste good. I always assumed they were hunted out of existence, or that they were pests, but actually they were mainly killed out by the animals people brought with them (cats, pigs, dogs, rats, macaques). And mans' ever present goal of wiping out nature, a game in which we are currently ahead. They were fruit and seed eaters, had greedy appetites to make it through the times of sparsity, and as such the ones in captivity were easily overfed--and of course the old paintings and drawings that have survived are of those fattened birds. They were, however, quite large in and of themselves. 50 pounds with 9 inch hooked end beaks. I guess with such little wings you have to compensate in other ways.It's name could have come from several things, namely words sounding like "dodo" that meant "sluggard" and "plump-arse." People didn't so much like them, and so they kind of just dwindled until someone did realize they weren't around any more. A sad end for a mistreated bird that even now is mercilessly mocked in today's age for being so trusting. Sometime before 1700, and less than a 100 years after they were discovered. They then were regarded as a myth, because who could believe in such an ungainly and strange looking creature? Then they found skeletons, Lewis Carroll wrote "Alice and Wonderland" with a dodo character in it, and the rest is history. You could say that Lewis Carroll is mostly responsible for how well known they have become--which is not bad for a guy who may have written it while flying high on opium.

Yesterday I researched ear wax. I was really really busy till the night hit, and then there was a lull in which this took place. My research was questioned a few times until I started talking to Carrie about it, and we had a serious conversation about ear wax candles. I for one would like to try them (and who knows, maybe I'll start hearing things correctly, but they're harder to get a hold of then you'd think). I think people are overestimating their abilities and claims, and understandably some people have probably lit themselves on fire. We live in a world where glazed kettle corn no longer exists because people can't follow large red warning stickers about not opening it until it cools.

Meh

So I know I promised pictures of Germany, but I popped in all the cds with my pictures on them just now and my computer has decided not to read them. I can't figure out if it's because my computer is a mac or if it's because I bought the cds in Germany. Probably a combination of the two. They seem to work fine in everyone else's computers. I'll have to get them from Emmy.

Here is a picture of my nephew I put on here for no other reason than that I like it. And I don't have a specific picture for this post but feel weird having no picture at all.

Anyway, I'm off work and not accomplishing much. I've found that during the summer if I don't have school, I sleep too late in the morning, then go straight to work, stay up too late doing nothing, and then start the process over again. As a side effect, I accomplish nothing and feel exhausted. Then on my off week I'm exhausted and fritter away the hours as well. I have lists of things I want/need to do, but man have I become good at sleeping whenever there's daylight. I did celebrate Canada Day at William Jame's Weenie Roast yesterday, so that was awfully exciting, and there's some sort of Mud based event happening on Saturday in Moroni, so I might hit that up. I opted not to do the whole Lagoon thing for the 4th this year--my sister Kim and her husband started this tradition a couple of years ago that I've been pulled into, but it's hot, I don't really dig Lagoon's rides in my increasingly older state, and it just keeps getting more expensive. I have fun with them and their 2 kids, and the last 2 years my lil sis and her husband have been there as well, but we're both opting for the low key celebration this year. No money, and no exhaustion. Perfect. So this year me and Ash are planning on a bbq at my parent's, or possibly my oldest sister and her family's house in Lindon.

It's kind of amazing that it's so late in the day already. I've decided that the events for the day include doing laundry and throwing as many pots as I can so I can light up my kiln for the first time this week and have something to fire in it. I'm also going to see Wall E sometime today, if I can find the perfect time for everyone involved.