A Fond Farewell, Which Doubtless Would Be Fonder If We Could Leave It At That.

I never thought this day would come. The UniCAP 1000, after a year of deliberation, planning, and no follow-throughs, it's finally moved to its new home at the front of the Immunology division. Before we were in a very small, hidden away corner by shipping and handling...I already miss it. Now we will be in a highly visible area, which will make it harder for me to do my homework, and play Freecell on my down-time. It will also be harder to hide from CAP inspections, which were already made more unpredictable by the fact that they're no longer scheduled. I will also miss the Protein section, which is comprised of many of my favorite people. Jocky will have to travel quite a bit further to tell us we have red lights on our instrument, which happens any time anything goes empty--which is several times a day. He likes to point out the redundant and remind us that "things went a lot smoother in my day, when I was in charge of the Allergen bench." He's so quiet, yet cynical...And as such he makes me laugh. However, we will be moving to where the up-front techs are, and I enjoy quite a few of them, so it won't be that bad. It would be better if Golden Boy still worked here, but you can't have everything.

In other news, which is so similar to the first news that its really in fact part of the first news...Wait for it...

we're getting yet another UniCAP 1000.

Somehow it seems like it should have it's own line. 3 years spent suppressing the desire to beat it in with a baseball bat, and now all I get is suppressed anger that will now be duplicated by 2. Add that with working for Scooter, who everyone considers the second most common thing I yell at stupid drivers...Let's just say it's not looking good. I think the towel is about to be thrown in, although what I throw it at and where I'll get a new towel has yet to be seen. It actually should be nice, especially on days when things go wrong, but I know for a fact that with two of them the probability of something going wrong is now twice as great. Not to mention there's bound to be a day when they both go down, and both will be beeping simultaneously, only one beat off from each other, so it will be one loud continuous beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!

I know, half empty, but I do have to baby-sit the thing, and now there are two of them. And as a wise man once said, "No two things are not on fire."

The Flaming UniCap

Sadly it's not actually flaming...Only in my fantasies. You probably don't even know what a UniCap is, unless you randomly frequent large medical labs that do allergen testing. Basically, it's a diabolical piece of machinery that exists to make my existence miserable. It's a relatively new instrument on the market, but I've come to suspect that it has a secret sensor built in that knows when I'm working. I work a week on, then a week off, and it's usually perfect during the week I have off. Then it has some colossal breakdown when I am working, or-- as more often is the case--after I have left for the day, making it so I have all sorts of problem resolutions to deal with in the morning. Maybe it just doesn't understand English. It was manufactured in Sweden, and then was sent over to China. I think the only thing it seems to vaguely understand is the piece of wood (aptly labeled "wood" through carving methods) we taped over the "pause" button they put on there that specifically says in the manual "never push this." It serves a dual purpose: 1) to cover the button we should never push that is easy to lean against and push on accident through it's strategic placement (another of it's diabolical plans to create havoc), and 2) we knock on it when we are pessimistic about our day, or overly optimistic more often. It seems to know by our excited or droll tones that it needs to do something flamboyant to get our attention, then acts negatively; unless we knock, which seems to pacify it. It's actually very impressive when it's working. Unfortunately, it seems it doesn't work just as often as it does. Today it broke down in so many aspects I couldn't even believe it, to the point where they probably sent us enough parts to make up a new instrument. Fortunately one of our vendors is here to tell us exactly what's wrong, but this week is not looking promising. I'm thinking this whole week will be made up of 12 hour days, which is fine as long as I have something to do, because I like my job after all, but sometimes I want to shoot myself in the foot. I realize that this statement seems irrational when applied to my work after I specifically just said I like my job, but occasionally when I do reach that point of being up to my head in problems, shooting myself in the foot seems like a less painful option. I'm pretty sure it would free my mind from thinking, which unfortunately my job requires me to do, and which would then be replaced with statements such as, "Ouch, What the...!, asterisk, or monstrosity!"--Which frankly this instrument makes me do anyway. I have daydreams about giving it a swift kick, and can honestly say that doing so is a dear ambition of mine. However, as this equipment is worth more than my life, it's a desire I suppress.