Concentration, or my lack thereof.

It's Fast Sunday and I'm dying. I have about an hour till church, so I should be getting ready, but I have a hard time focusing on action when I'm so hungry. I actually have a better time thinking of all the things I need to do, but the follow through part is hard. A complete lack of energy, but increased mental stamina...hmmnnnn. Quite the switch-off. But I love how Fast Sundays make me think. When I'm not thinking about food the most marvelous thoughts go through my head; but I do like food. Days like this make me realize that my temporal wants are not always necessary--at least not immediately--and that my focus should be on the more important things. Thus when I deprive myself of something I want, I realize just how selfish I usually am, and my thoughts become more focused on things other than myself. It's too bad that after I eat today I will stop appreciating things like I am now. The food I have will be forgotten the second I'm no longer hungry, and then there are the other things I'm blessed with: the roof over my head, the gorgeous day outside, my family's presence... I'll still appreciate them, but they won't be as visible to my mind. I did take the time this glorious morning to read the Ensign for the first time in who knows how long. President Hinkley is an incredibly smart man, not to mention inspiring. I want that kind of faith some day. For now I'll just keep working on it, whilst my stomach slowly digests itself.

I think part of the problem is that ever since I decided I need to start running again, and get some use out of the two year gym pass I paid for, I've been a lot more hungry. I wonder if I'll get any healthier, because I have no moderational skills at all when it comes to certain foods, and I have a hard time depriving myself of things like chocolate. I did kick, or am in the process of kicking, my Mountain Dew habit--it's been two weeks since my last intake. I really am much more healthy when I'm not drinking carbonation, and giving up caffeine pretty much stems the flow of how much carbonation I drink. So that's the next thing I'll give up, though for now I'm just limiting how much I drink. I'm actually quite proud of myself. I was on a date Friday, and he was drinking Mountain Dew, and I totally overcame the desire to steal it while he wasn't looking. And also to decline his joking offer to buy me some later while miniature golfing. Actually, at those two moments, I totally forgot the taste of it, which made my job much easier. This is how it was when I gave it up the first time, about 9 years ago, which lasted 7 years. I thought it would be impossible to kick my habit a second time, but I'm pleasantly surprised with this turn of events. Anyway, as good as that all is, I'm still adjusting to running on a regular basis again. Distance has never been my thing, but I'm determined to like it one day. My first day back running actually felt good, but since then my legs have been incredibly sore, and when I'm tired I have a hard time getting myself mentally where it needs to be to be able to make myself do anything. Mentality really is important when running. I have been able to do better with my ipod nano though. I have something to focus on that I enjoy, and then I pay less attention to how uncomfortable I feel. My little wonder. But it doesn't work every time. And therefore I have yet another thing to work on.