The Numbing

There is a Dilbert cartoon, (which is a comic strip in the paper I really disliked before I started working in a large company, but I now can fully appreciate) where everyone in this office is gathering to watch "a numbing." Of course whatever department it really was is whited out and it now reads "protein immunology," which shouldn't significantly change the humor of the whole thing, but nevertheless does. So the intern asks all the people gathering to watch, "what's a numbing?" to which they reply, "it's the point where an employee's mind numbs to the pain of working here...It's really quite beautiful." It's seriously very fitting of my position now. I love my job, I really do, and I love the people, but it's still painful most of the time. I figure I must like emotional pain, whereas I cringe from actual pain. When I graduated from high school, I actually started to crave the pain I used to be in while running speedwork in track, which at the time made me cry at even the thought of going to practice to run these evil rituals. True, there was very real physical pain involved, but more than anything it was discomfort, and my mind was telling me I was tired and wanted to stop. Then again, most runners need a high tolerance for pain, because so much of running is a matter of mind over body, and the difference between actual fatigue and what we perceive as fatigue is a wide gulf indeed. Apparently it's impossible to stimulate a single muscle into true fatigue outside of a lab without help from electric currents. Of course, many people pass out running because they're tired, but that has more to do with a lack of sufficient energy nutrients or water, or injury to muscle. Point of the matter: if you concentrate on something other than what you're doing you can ignore the pain for the most part.

I think the same is true of work, or at least that which I prefer. To be perfectly honest if it were up to doing just what I wanted all the time, I'm not sure if I would do anything at all, so this job is as good as any other, even with the stress, which ultimately I prefer because it keeps me motivated. I get bored really easily. Which brings me to now. Maybe it's the holiday, or maybe it's the weather, but in the allergen world...It's very slow. Fortunately, I've been numbed several times before; "several" because at severe moments of crises I break like a log in the mouth of a T Rex, and thus I start the cycle over again. Right now I'm not sure where I am in that cycle, because there are no big problems, for a change, on my bench. I do believe the cold I have has separated me from the real world though, and I don't really want to do anything at the moment. Fortunately there's nothing to do at the moment, but I do hate to not look busy. On the bright side, I get to take cold medicine, which makes me feel immune to gravity, and that's definitely more pleasant to focus on than work.

A Damper's the last thing I'd want to throw.

So I am back at work yet again. Boy do I hate Mondays disguised as Tuesdays. I did however get back at it by sleeping in till 7 am this morning. The holidays did not disappoint, for there is a complete lackage of our usual Tuesday allergen yield, scanty as it is in the first place. And so it is just after 10 in the morning, I got here 3 hours ago, and I have nothing else left that needs to get done. Yes, there are probably things I could do, but it will take me a while more to get bored enough to actually do them. I should have made a platelet appointment, but I'm not feeling 100% anyway, so I guess that would have been futile. At this moment I'm wondering if Winder Dairy still does scones after Christmas. They should...At least till New Years, but probably aren't. It feels weird to have the holidays over with. I don't count New Years--I never have. It's a pointless holiday, designed so people can get together and drink, which does me little good. Yes, I like getting together with friends as much as anyone, but you don't need a holiday as an excuse to do that. Besides that, I've always hated the idea of making resolutions, and a holiday that reminds me of all the things I should have done throughout the year but didn't gets nothing but resentment from me. Rather depressing stuff, that. That said, school starts in a couple of weeks again. I'm excited for this next semester. Last semester made it impossible for any coming semesters to surpass it in putridness. Thus my outlook is positive. My Christmas break was also positive, which revived my spirits after finals. I got to watch countless movies, hang out with my family, and put together a 3D puzzle of Notre Dame. And I finally looked at my grades. The B+ in Physiology seems to be taunting me for the A- it should have been. But it didn't go so bad, considering the damper work threw on school this semester, and all of the studying I didn't do. As far as Physiology is concerned, I only really studied for it the night before the test and an hour or so before the quizzes.

Happy Religiously Neutral Holidays.

"Away in a barnbox, no bib for their lunch-
The camel and donkey on straw they will munch.
The stars in the sky shine down cuz it's night-
That donkey and camel just got in a fight."

So this is my Mountain Dew tree--bound to be larger next year. I still need to make it an adequate stand. The yucky brown in the left corner is the wall that separates our tree from Mr. Widdy Widdershins, and the fireplace is sadly out of view on the right. The ornaments made of other soda cans I probably shouldn't have consumed so much of this year are kind of hard to see in this picture, also regrettably. I missed posting this on Christmas, but as I just barely put up this tree Christmas Eve and it will stay up till February possibly, that hardly matters much. So Happy Boxing Day everybody!

Always Agree

Finals are over. They've been over for a while now actually, but I felt I should say as much, for finality's sake. I have no idea how I did, other than that I'm sure I wrote down answers for the questions. I believe grades might be up by now, but I hate looking at grades. I usually even wait to see how I did on a test I get back in class, until I'm home and in a comforting environment. Then if I did badly I'm not amidst a lot of strangers or friends who can see in my face the disappointment. And I've usually prepared myself for any disappointment, so it can only get better. Meanwhile, most of my Christmas shopping is now finished, or decided upon. I think I only have my Grandmother left, and that will simply take effort to complete, not to think about...That much. But I doubt I'll see her again before Christmas anyway; our family party this year is a past event. Maybe Christmas day. And the Mountain Dew Tree will be in the family room this very night. I have only to finish with the ornaments, maybe another layer or so, depending on how it looks, then I have to figure out how I want the star attached. And the stand. Minor problems though really. Long live Widdy McWiddershins and his flying stand!

Amburgers and wootbeer

Shopping with my little sister is always an interesting experience. Why, the other day I went with her to Media Play, along with Kyle, and the first thing that happened as we got in the car to get there was that she dumped rootbeer on her windshield. I was wondering why the water she was using to clean off her windshield was only minimally helping. Turns out it was rootbeer, and she was using it because she found it in her car, even though we had water in my house about 60 feet from the point where her car was parked. So then we went to the gas station, where she used the little squeegee to clean her windows again, and I was like "didn't she just do that?"--at which point I found out about the rootbeer. Random. So my little sister's car has those seatbelts that you click the lap part, but the shoulder part starts above the part of the door farthest from the handle, then automatically moves towards you into place. I always get smacked in the head with it any time I'm getting out of her car, because I open the door, then lean forward to get whatever stuff I brought with me, often my books. Then it smacks me upside the head moving forward. You'd think I'd learn, but I never do. Sadistic seatbelt. This time for some reason I didn't lean forward, but my sister tried to get out of the drivers seat and had put her coat on in the car, over the seatbelt, so when she went forward she got a nasty shock by being pulled back. It really was quite comical watching my sister trapped there, entangled by her shoulder belt, Kyle rushing to help her as she made incessant noise. Walking around Media Play was fun, I like looking around even though they're so expensive, so I'm sad they're closing. When we're leaving there are people selling mistletoe. They say, "would you like to buy mistletoe for two dollars that will then go to charity?" I'm thinking, "oh boy," as my sister exclaims loudly, "Yes-I- would." Each word got it's limelight. She then exclaimed some more things to express her excitement, which made me laugh, and would probably have made Frogkisser exclaim something else. Honesty and excitement together can have interesting effects. Altogether, it's very interesting having my sister as one of my roommates as of late. She makes me laugh. My honest exclamations in the store were not so appreciated. In Media Play she told me that Manga was Japanese porn, as we were passing the Manga section, which is really random Japanese cartoons/illustrations. I then shouted "Japanese porn?" probably too loudly, but I was shocked. Needless to say, it wasn't. Today should also be another such experience with Christmas shopping. The Media Play excursion, along with some minimal shopping which I'll admit mostly benefited myself the day after Thanksgiving, are the only Christmas shopping I've done so far, and I have a lot more to do. I just got through finals week, and then my on week at work, both of which are crazy at a time that's supposed to be jolly. I can understand why thousands of people would decide to get their blood drawn now, instead of around Christmas, to see what they're allergic to, but the combination of our instrument being broken down the first part of the week made it that much more insane on my end of the stick. The allergen stick. I got some prime overtime this week, and next week they'll be bored out of their minds. I slept on and off today from last night around ten-ish?--I fell asleep watching Edward Scissorhands--and slept till about 1:30 this afternoon, though I did wake up at 9 to eat before going back to bed. That was nice. Loafing is my favorite thing to do on a Tuesday I don't work. I also should finish putting up Christmas decorations in my house. Ugly Duckling and I finally completed our snowman next to the fireplace, which now has fire in it and functional stapled paper stockings hung on it--though no grate yet, and a wall in between, so now instead of people asking us why there is black paper covering the entire wall next to our fireplace, and us explaining it's night, and them wondering why it is night right next to the fireplace, and us explaining there will be a wall there...Deep breath, they now ask why our snowman seems to be flying. I'll work on that, but we ran out of white paper working on Widdy. Nevertheless, it looks festive, and the paper is now strewn across our blank wall instead of all over the family room floor, as before. And today I will finally finish gluing together my Mountain Dew can tree to put next to our paper fireplace. The fact that I alone have consumed so much Mountain Dew in the past year to make this possible is rather sad, especially since more than half came as a result of this semester. Regardless, next year it will no doubt be larger. I will post you all on my progress.

Contemplation

So you know how no sleep brings out a side of you that otherwise stays hidden within? *Note--that was a rhetorical question* Well, it does. With no sleep all barriers of conscienciousness subside. At least on my part. I suddenly feel completely at peace with the world, which I like to call "cough medicine world." No I'm not on cough medicine, though I like it, but no sleep gives me the same affect at one point, and I stress out less because I'm more lax about things that would usually make me want to bore a hole in my skull. Or kick the UniCAP 1000. But I'm all light-headed. The drawback of course is that my back kills--no pun intended. I have yet to take my last final...An English final, which normally wouldn't bother me at all, except this semester has slowly whittled down my nerves to the point that I think they're firing at their own leisure. That would explain that weird warmth in my leg a few weeks back at random moments, which I'll admit was rather pleasant before the abnormality of it set in, which quickly replaced that feeling with one more disturbed by the lack of a known cause. As it is, I am a little nervous, more because of the length of this final, and the large "possible" essay questions he gave us to help us prepare, though the better part of the final will be a surprise. I get to take that in 3 hours time. Before that I was at Village Inn with a friend studying Chemistry and Literature till about 2 am, at which point I came here to work. Oh yes, I'm at work. Sitting here typing, and babysitting my instrument. It's actually not that bad, except that time is passing by both too quickly and too slowly. 3 hours time is not enough, and yet, 3 hours time couldn't come soon enough. I'm ready to start Christmas now. A blight on the person occupying the psychiatry chair upstairs I want to study in!

My New Font

Because Paige is such a big complainer, this is my new temporary font color. Let me know how it affects you. I refuse to make the font bigger, because I actually chose this size so I could pretend I was writing it in my handwriting, thus making it more familiar to myself, which is important with my writing due to aesthetics. Just be glad I decided on the small font, and not the tiny I was contemplating. I actually don't have much time to write anything right now, because I have my last final tomorrow, which I have yet to complete the reading for, or outlines for the possible essay questions for that matter. Plus I have work, and this week has been tough. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, but that might slightly be affected by my finishing up "Frankenstein," which isn't exactly the positive emotion lifter of the century. It's excellent stuff I say, but downright depressing when you apply it to your own experiences. The clotted cream should help with that. I have a study session I have to leave to go to now, so adieu till my next post.

The Flaming UniCap

Sadly it's not actually flaming...Only in my fantasies. You probably don't even know what a UniCap is, unless you randomly frequent large medical labs that do allergen testing. Basically, it's a diabolical piece of machinery that exists to make my existence miserable. It's a relatively new instrument on the market, but I've come to suspect that it has a secret sensor built in that knows when I'm working. I work a week on, then a week off, and it's usually perfect during the week I have off. Then it has some colossal breakdown when I am working, or-- as more often is the case--after I have left for the day, making it so I have all sorts of problem resolutions to deal with in the morning. Maybe it just doesn't understand English. It was manufactured in Sweden, and then was sent over to China. I think the only thing it seems to vaguely understand is the piece of wood (aptly labeled "wood" through carving methods) we taped over the "pause" button they put on there that specifically says in the manual "never push this." It serves a dual purpose: 1) to cover the button we should never push that is easy to lean against and push on accident through it's strategic placement (another of it's diabolical plans to create havoc), and 2) we knock on it when we are pessimistic about our day, or overly optimistic more often. It seems to know by our excited or droll tones that it needs to do something flamboyant to get our attention, then acts negatively; unless we knock, which seems to pacify it. It's actually very impressive when it's working. Unfortunately, it seems it doesn't work just as often as it does. Today it broke down in so many aspects I couldn't even believe it, to the point where they probably sent us enough parts to make up a new instrument. Fortunately one of our vendors is here to tell us exactly what's wrong, but this week is not looking promising. I'm thinking this whole week will be made up of 12 hour days, which is fine as long as I have something to do, because I like my job after all, but sometimes I want to shoot myself in the foot. I realize that this statement seems irrational when applied to my work after I specifically just said I like my job, but occasionally when I do reach that point of being up to my head in problems, shooting myself in the foot seems like a less painful option. I'm pretty sure it would free my mind from thinking, which unfortunately my job requires me to do, and which would then be replaced with statements such as, "Ouch, What the...!, asterisk, or monstrosity!"--Which frankly this instrument makes me do anyway. I have daydreams about giving it a swift kick, and can honestly say that doing so is a dear ambition of mine. However, as this equipment is worth more than my life, it's a desire I suppress.

Call me Bartleby

Saturday's are made for loafing. I'm pretty sure that's in the definition of "Saturday." I however need to be studying for my Physiology test on Monday. It's now after 2 pm, which you will see authenticated at the bottom of my post once I post it...and I have yet to study. Actually, from 10 till about noon I was out playing Ultimate Frisbee in the snow. It was the frozen crispy kind that you end up bruised or bleeding from when you dive in it, and because I believe you're not having fun till you're injured, it was a very good thing. I'm not really sure what I've been doing since then...it certainly doesn't feel like such a lapse of time has occurred. Now I love Physiology--it's a lot like Anatomy, which I loved--but I have a hard time not losing focus when I study, and actually right now I just don't feel like doing anything more than staring at a wall outside the window. Go figure. I think it's also hard for me to study at my house at the moment; mainly because my room is in a state of chaos and I need organization to concentrate, and frankly I don't want to take the time to clean it now. Unfortunately the library doesn't have the same appeal to me as in earlier times. Not since a large piece of construction equipment resembling a tractor, held up by a crane, came crashing through the window at me while sitting in my own special calming library haven that I discovered during my freshman year. Fortunately the cubicles they put in place of my wonderful sofas had a back wall that kept glass from flying into my eyes. That said, I really should try to study now.

The nascent blog

This week I received an email from a friend, with blogspot address attached, imploring people to comment on her blog. I was more than happy to comply. To my dismay I found it would not let me post anything because I had no blog of my own. I rather enjoy commenting on others random thoughts, and then I thought to myself, "I have pertinant thoughts that can edify the lives of others...or at least cause them to question." In addition to this, while I am normally an incredibly busy person, lately I've found myself with quite a bit of free time on my hands (probably because I have been putting off Physiology)--thus my blog was born. Sadly this will probably change, but hopefully I will be able to post often; I quite like the idea of having the ability to do so at my fingers, sharing the profundity of my thoughts, as well as making an outlet for my many harangues and diatribes...and otherwise general cynicism.