Things that must go

In an effort to post more often, possibly on a daily basis, when I otherwise would be too engrossed in other things, I've decided to make this installment about things I think should go. I was listening to x96 the other morning and thought, "hey, I have things that bug me, and people should know." The bright side is, this could take quite a few posts, thereby insuring that my friends have plenty to read of mine, and who knows how knowing what bugs me will affect them, though it might not be so good for me. I realize of course that I will have to offset this later with a post on things I find delightful, for I surely would not want a negative blog, so I guess I'll just start writing what I'm thinking, and heaven help us all.

Thing #1: moths

They fly around in a drunken fashion, dive at your head...Who needs them? I do of course realize that getting rid of something as insignificant as moths could detrimentally impact the world, after all, we've all seen that episode of the Simpsons (sadly that is probably a not so true statement) where Homer goes back in time with the toaster, sits on a fish, and suddenly back in the present huge changes have occurred, such as people having snake tongues and donuts raining out of the sky. True, moths and butterflies are very similar, and a butterfly half-way across the world flapping it's wings can cause a tsunami far away, but would a world without tsunami's really be that bad? Earwigs should go as well. They freak me out.

#2: people who name their child "Princess"

Not the naming mind, but the actual people who do it. I see it time after time when testing peoples' serum for allergies. Little one year olds with the name "Princess." Sure, it's an adorable nickname, and someone out there might be able to pull it off, but thinking in terms of myself...If my name had been Princess, I would have never developed a self-esteem with the endless teasing bound to occur, and I would probably live in Tibet. All in all, it's just not right as a name. I don't care how young and hip you are, it's just mean, especially if your daughter wants to become a lawyer, or president someday--though that would be cool to be President Princess. Princess: a born leader. Imagine the campaign slogans that could be wrought. Sorry to offend anyone who has actually named their child this, but actually I'm not sorry at all. Shame on you people.

#3: the calling of your people "peeps"

If you do it whatever, but when I hear that, I see marshmellowy goodness, and it's a disappointment when all I find is a person.

#4: people who go the speed limit

I realize this sounds bad, and I of all people should not be telling other people how to drive, considering I've hit more inanimate objects than any of you and all of you combined (though in my defense most were during my 16th and 17th years, and the cement barrier last year was so the dog's fault, and only mine for being such a lover of animals). Nevertheless, speed a little people. If you're going under, you're annoying, and if you're going exactly the speed limit, in order to do so you're paying too much attention to your speedometer and not enough to the road.

#5: talking to someone on the phone, when you're in a bathroom stall.

Ewww.

And lastly, #6: automatic doors

This is mainly due to a personal vendetta I have with them, and an experience at Target a few years ago when they shut on me. They've never liked me. "Ever since I was a child I've been hated by automatic doors." I always approach them cautiously, and I feel stupid. That said, if they serve you well, lucky you. Some of us are not so lucky.

And lastly (for real this time) #7: my roommate's demon frog

Some people may find the concept of a walking, singing frog adorable, even precious, especially if said frog is holding a giant daisy and singing, "Singin' in the Rain." However, when you see the thing wobbling around on the floor like Brownian motion, it really is hard to not scream, or at least squeal in displeasure. (I guess I already took care of it though).