I almost envy myself right now, things are so good.

So I updated my other blog, and if anyone wants to know how my thanksgiving weekend went, here it is:

http://notthefirstone.blogspot.com

Lengthy, but whatever.

Yesterday I started off my day happier than I had reason to be. I think it was the lack of sleep, the addition of caffeine--which seems to help my already existing meds, and knowing how awesome my weekend will be. Also it had snowed, and was snowing, which might have been the main component of my happiness actually. But I had a test that day, one I wasn't ready for, and thus the one in O Chem that I will drop. I could, however, tell it wouldn't have been hard if I'd studied. Seriously, my O Chem professor's tests are incredibly fair, and thus a stark contrast to my other professor's. But even going into it knowing I wouldn't do well, it's amazing how much of a buzz kill not doing well on a test can be. I usually do well, so it's a newer experience for me. I attempted to study with #2 and friend, who aborted the process early on, and my friend Worm from work. Turns out he's been writing a fantasy novel, and I'm going to read and critique it for him. Sheidi told me that nobody likes a critic the other day (because I keep correcting her spelling and grammar in text messages), but Worm is going to tell her otherwise.

Last night, right after my test, I went to Mikado's for my friend Libo's 21st birthday, where we got sushi. And with an excellent 50% discount, since one of the guys we went with works there. It was a very nice restaurant with a definite Japanese feel to it (which kind of works well with it being a Japanese restaurant); the table was low to the ground, was shut off from the rest of the restaurant by being enclosed with bamboo screens and doors, and we sat on pads (but there was a pit underneath the table we could sit and put our feet in, so we didn't have to kneel). There were 8 of us total; 4 girls and 4 guys. Only me and my roommates are LDS, so a great amount of time went into convincing Libo to drink more, which he didn't really want to do, and he spent a great amount of time trying to convince them not to convince him. Ultimately it ended with a lot of sushi paid for in the snow, which is a shame. But I did get to eat a lot of sushi for dirt cheap, and mine stayed in my stomach. I got the spider roll (which is deep fried soft shelled crab in a roll of rice with avocado, etc.) and Philadelphia roll (which was raw salmon, cream cheese, and avocado in a roll of rice covered with sesame seeds). I liked the spider roll more, but I also tried the playboy roll, some fish sushi that wasn't in a roll (a big step for me), the J roll (which was amazing, and I think had some sort of honey-mustard sauce? on it), and terriaki squid. It was all delightful.

Today I have to go to my parent's house to get the stickers for my license plates. I don't have school today, except for Institute, so it will contain studying and the watching of Smutty ER. Tomorrow marks the first Winder Dairy hit-up of the season. I'm really excited for that actually. Saturday I get to go to the Festival of Trees twice. My niece is dancing there at two-ish. It's beginning to feel like Christmas, and I'm psyched.

Genetics pansed me to steal my lunch money

First of all, my happy post on Thanksgiving will be posted to my other blog. You'll be missing out if you miss that one. So without further ado...

I've decided to take Human Genetics. My options at this point are to retake regular Genetics, which I refuse to do (because that class has embittered me enough, my professor is just evil enough that retaking it would not ensure a better outcome, and I haven't really learned much from him up to this point (so I really have very little hope of learning anything with a second go of it). The fact of the matter is that I had the option to begin with of either taking Genetics or Human Genetics to fulfill this pre-requisite for my major, and I chose incorrectly. But regardless of how my grades turn out for this class, I can take Human Genetics, have a new professor that actually has a chance of having ethics, teaching skills, and a desire to teach instead of crushing the wills of people who could potentially become excellent doctors because "I couldn't make it as one and copped out by going into research." I would actually go into research by the way, if I went to med school--because that's where my interest lies--but some researchers are bitter wanna-be's who see their research as a holier-than-thou opportunity towards practitioners, and I think that's my professor. Only I don't think he is. He really loves research, but he would have made a terrible practitioner, and he definitely has a high opinion of himself. Very much the name dropper, and he refers to all these people in our text, that most of us have ever heard of before, on a first name basis with random stories that aren't at all impressive.

So I'm actually excited about Human Genetics. I have the little I've unintentionally gleaned from regular Genetics, and now I get to add to it with a better knowledge of a more intimate focus of Genetics. And when I ace that class, which I plan on doing, it will prove I'm not incompetent when it comes to Genetics. Now I just have to do well in O Chem. My third test is tomorrow. I have a lot of preparation left to go, but I don't feel panicked. The snow definitely helped. I'm getting giddy at the implications of it, and all the Christmasy things I plan on doing during my winter break. I can't help but think of last year at this time, and I've got to say, the WV house held some great memories, especially of winter. Those memories will ever live on as the standard of what Christmastime should be. Thanksgiving socks and gloves, Winder Dairy tri-weekly, the 3 hour snowball fight, Widdy McWiddershins, McBlobbykins, A Claymation Christmas, "Oh Tuesday Night," "Because I'm a Moron," "Are we sick?!," a tent in the living room, a Mountain Dew tree in the family room... Good times.

Anxiously Awaiting (Or Not: I Haven't Quite Decided)

I'm about to go take my second to last Genetics test. I feel I've studied as much as I could, but he really didn't prepare us for this test at all. I've been feeling pretty good lately though. Monday was one of the best days at work of all times. For some reason I was giddy happy, even though I had more to not look forward to on my off week than to look forward to. But I am excited for Thanksgiving. However, I feel if I think too much about it I'll forget the important things I need to remember, like finishing my lab write ups and all of the stuff I studied for my test. I just hope I can stay calm while taking it. Usually I read the problems and panic, because he makes it hard to understand just what he's asking. Between yesterday and today I've consumed more chocolate than I thought was possible. And I don't feel sick at all. Even though I had 3 pieces of Papa John's pizza and 5 pieces of cheese bread last night. I feel pretty calm at the moment, but I can see it departing at any moment. Man, I hope I don't have to retake this class, because if I do I will not be able to take Advanced Anatomy next semester.

The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

Okay, I've waited long enough.

I'm at work right now, and I was late here this morning. I hope my new supervisor doesn't get anal about that, because ever since my old supervisor asked me to come in later on certain days (in my yearly appraisal), I've done a crappy job of not only not coming in when he asked, but later than when he asked. I hate having to stay later than I'd planned.

On the bright side, I don't hate my job as much any more. The machines are not being as awful as they could, and I must say, Scooter isn't doing as bad of a job as I thought he would. He's still more of a figure than an actual contributed to the process, but he's getting better. Multi-Manager still pulls the strings mainly, but I can live with that. And the fact of the matter is, I've never worked with so many people that I've enjoyed before now. I've always liked my co-workers, but ever since we moved up front I've been constantly surrounded by people who brighten my week. Logie (once known as Leon) is divorced from the Allergen bench, except for verification sometimes, but is still pretty close by, so that's good. Our week is far superior to the other week, I must say.

Genetics is still an evil class; my professor's still Satan. If that man dies of anything other than assassination, I'll lick a spark plug. I already know of at least 3 people who've talked about either doing it themselves or hiring a hit man. For those who are naturally gifted, well, he's not even needed for them to do well in Genetics. For those of us who require actual teaching to learn... Man, I am so ready for the semester to end. I refuse to take it from him again, if it comes to that, so he's ruining my whole plan of time. O Chem is a delightful subject, and one which I don't devote enough time to. I need to start studying immediately. But right now I'm ecstatically excited for Thanksgiving and eventually Christmas. This is my favorite time of year. I'm so ready for Winder Dairy scones, snow, decorations, the assemblage of my Mountain Dew tree, Christmas specials, massive amounts of food, Fun Week 2007... I unfortunately have a test I need to do well on the day before Thanksgiving. We shall see, but at least there is an opportunity the very next day for me to eat my feelings if I don't do well.

New Post

I felt it was time for a new post.

Today marks the last day of my O Chem lab. I have yet to write my post-lab, and I'm not sure when I'll have the time because I'm at work and I can't do it here, and I only get out in time to go to class. And I have a group meeting at work today, so I can't cut out early. Luckily things don't seem to be too crazy at work right now, so good stuff.

So I seriously have nothing to write about. Usually I can write about nothing and stretch it out, but I really don't think I have anything to say right now. I have a test a week from today, another right after Thanksgiving, then another the next week and another the next week. I'm ready for the semester to end. Then I can start thinking again. Ironic that I can't think while school is going.

Sprite, Doritos, and Skittles.

I'm not feeling so well right now. I'm not sure if it's because I went back on my meds this morning, or if I'm getting the flu my roommate had. I wasn't really around her when she got it or had it, because we're both very out and about, but everyone else around has been getting it, so I guess it's possible. I've actually never called in sick to work, at least in the last year, unless you count my crisis where I too 2 weeks off...frankly I'd rather not have to. And with my Genetics test tomorrow and the one after that in less than 2 weeks (making it so I have to study for it this Saturday and Sunday mainly, as I work all the rest of the days leading up to it), I really don't have time to be sick.

Throwing up is the worst of being sick. I actually quite like having a cold, because the lightness in your head, amplified by cold medicine...that's a great feeling. And it doesn't really stop you from doing all that much. But if you're throwing up you can't do anything. And I have a pretty extensively built up fear of throwing up. I can't do it, or won't if I can help it, even if I know it will make me feel better. Over the years my sisters and I (the ones just older and younger) have found that we can eat doritos, skittles, and sprite when we have the flu, and none of us will throw up. And so my mom would go buy us these things whenever we got sick--and we always invariably got each other sick, so we were all sick at the same time. None of these food items sound very appealing right now unfortunately.

Tuesday I had lunch with 2 of my sisters at the place they both work. My little sister bought my lunch, I bought her the Collin Firth version of Pride and Prejudice for her birthday, and some old fashioned paper flat taffy I found at the store--which my mother used to give us when we were little, so it reminded me of her. My other sister bought me a rice crispee treat with chocolate on the top from School Lunches. I should have bought her something too, considering her birthday was the day prior and 3 days after my little one's. I don't know what to get her yet. I also bought a radio car adapter/charger for my ipod, which I must say I really deserved and so far really enjoy. I also saw 2 nephews and a niece, and picked up holds from the library. My Tuesday flew by and out the window, without much studying done.

Wednesday I actually studied quite a bit, but I wish I could have done more. My lab worried me until it was over, but unless you count next week's make-up lab, this was the last one. I'm excited, but I'll miss the people. I ended up leaving my Genetics book in the lab and had to double back to get it. I was worried it would be closed, but luckily I found someone who knew where they put it. One of the many Christmas Miracles that I've encountered lately. Like having one experiment in that lab turn out right for once. We made beautiful crystals that actually looked like crystals instead of we toilet paper. Very exciting, and very short. We were out of there by 7 pm, so an hour and a half. So when I got home I had time to study Genetics some with #1. We decided to have a Lord of the Rings marathon once finals are over, which reminds me, when did you guys want to do that FK? And she's going to take snowboarding lessons with me this winter, so I can fall on my face with someone I know present who's at the same non-existent skill level as I am. I've gone with my sister's, but I'm the damper since they're really good and I don't know what I'm doing. Also, I might take Advanced Anatomy with her next semester. She's crazy for taking on that with her already heavy workload, but apparently she TA-ed for the regular anatomy class and knows all of the advanced TA's, so we'd have help. And I would get access to the labs again. I seriously loved that class, so I might have to do it. The problem is that it's at 2 pm, so who knows if it'd work out with work going till 3:30, and even if I quit I'd probably be moving to graves, which usually starts at 2 pm. Hmmnnn...quite the predicament. Studying last night went till 1 am. I slept till 7 though, so I'm well rested. I need to go study now.

I think I'm writing more because there should be a dark blue post somewhere in here than for my actually having a reason to. But prepare for a rant.

I really don't have a reason though.

Just yesterday I was thinking to myself, "wow, I don't think I hate my job after all." It was a nice feeling, and came because this week was not nearly as bad as the last I worked. I felt things were finally starting to slip into place. Then Micro Manager came in unexpectedly and wanted to know if I had time to do my yearly appraisal that day. I figured then was as good as any other time, though not necessarily opportune because I really needed to be out by 3:30 to go have birthday tea with my sister. It was noon, and thankfully there was no PBS movie that week, which was actually quite sad, but I would have been even sadder to have missed it. Basically my appraisal lasted 2 and a half hours. I came out of there feeling like I'd been wrung through a wringer. It's amazing how someone can take an approach so complimentary, and yet ultimately you end up feeling like crap. When Micro Manager first took over it was at a very stressful time for me, when I was fed up with the Allergen bench after working there for 2 years--and after I'd dealt with more difficult problems than I could possibly ever hold in my head. On top of that, it was when Traves was still new, and I was frustrated at having to do my job as well as a lot of his. Then there was the added difficulty of school. I opted to take on a "Don't Care" approach to keep my sanity, otherwise I got too stressed out. I formed some less than exemplary habits, but I can honestly say I was still working harder than quite a lot of other people there. I got my tasks done, but I had no desire to fill every spare minute I had seeking out "extra-credit" projects.

Flash forward to now. I've been trying harder lately than any other person possibly could to become the best I can be at my job. With all the changes I've really had no choice. But I've actually enjoyed it, because I would much rather be busy and challenged than either having nothing or busy work to do. Also I'd realized that I needed to make these changes in my life, because I have become very passive in many facets of my life, and I really should take a more active role in accomplishing the things I set out to do. So I'd talked to Micro Manager, and I let him know I was ashamed of not being a more pro-active worker in the past, and let him know I would be trying harder from then on. I told him all of the things I would be working on bettering myself at, and I don't' feel that I've reverted back in any way to past bad habits. Also, I felt there was an understanding between us, and that he'd try to help me find time to leave work when I needed to study--he did specifically say that. I don't feel he's keeping his end of the bargain. Right now I feel I'm constantly being scrutinized and questioned when I raise valid concerns, I'm only listened to when what I say fits into his already existing views of things (no matter how much I talk to him), and ultimately he's trying to fix multiple things all at once by implementing mass plans simultaneously that are too confusing to possibly follow at the same time. I can't change my entire routine and still function efficiently. He knows I'm stressed out, and yet he keeps giving us things to change that he knows will make my life more stressful now, though he's looking at making it better for the future. I won't be there in the future at this point if things keep on like I know they're going to. Anyway, things have started falling through cracks on occasion, partially because there's just too much to do and too many samples to process. This because of all of the things he's implementing, but I'm the one held accountable for them. I know no one could be doing a better job than I am, but every little mistake I make is noted and and is currently counting against me. The way I see it, no one is perfect, and you can look at anyone for long enough and you'll eventually find something to nail them for, even if they're not doing it on purpose. And currently I don't feel like a valued employee at all. I know I'm good at my job. I'm better than anyone he could possibly find to do it if I left--I'm not being boastful, just honest. But I'm having a hard time with it, I'm having a hard time with school because I'm constantly worrying about work when I should be worrying about classes that warrant worrying entirely on their own bases, and I'm just not happy where I am.

Unfortunately I feel stuck. My evaluation said some very nice things, but also held minute accounts of all that need to work on. Even when there was something I was being rated on that held nothing but praise, the ratings just didn't match up. Oh how I hate being patronized. And then the things I did excel at I somehow felt like I shouldn't be doing as well at. It was all like a huge slap in the face. I've always felt my contributions outweighed my faults, but that's sure not how his picture was painted. I don't think he realizes how bad it all looked, but I couldn't really question him on any of it, both because I couldn't quite articulate how I was feeling throughout this whole process, and because his memory is better than mine. I do have my imperfections after all; he might be a jerk for putting all of them in there, and worse because knowing him he doesn't even realize that fact, but when it comes down to it, it's his right to do it. But he made me sound like a flake, and if I switch sections that can't be a good thing; no one wants someone who forgets little things, and they can't know the circumstances under which these little things occurred because he didn't put them in there. After all this he asked me how school was going. I basically let Micro Manager know that with how hard it's been lately, I can't see myself still working in this section come next fall. He then said something about part time jobs there being hard to come by, and I may have inadvertently said that I would go outside of the company if needs be. Then he said something about him having less than a year to shape the Allergens bench up so as to entice me to stay, like he actually wanted to, and "would I consider staying if that happened?" I was flabbergasted. Like he suddenly valued me as an employee or something. All I can say is that if he implements any more plans to "shape" the Allergen bench up, I'll be stressed out enough to fail out of school, and I sure as heck am not going to work there if it ruins my chances of getting into the Med Tech program. I really should have jumped ship months ago, and the more I think about it, the more I'm ready to leave as soon as possible (basically I just need them to pay for this semester, which is why I can't leave right now). I love the company, I love the people, but I love my sanity as well. And I'm building up quite a bit of resentment, which I don't like at all. But it's nice to have gotten a little bit of it out writing some of it down. I just hope I can get past it all, because the amount of times I've wanted to cry the last few days is longer than my arm. Having vented thus, I think I'll now write a happy post on my other blog.

"I can make air solid."

Something is beeping. I don't know what it is, I just hope it's not any of my instruments.

I was thinking about that comment by Clark just yesterday:) Along with a lot of other random things people said when we lived in the WV house, and on the California trip. Anyway, not only can I not make air solid, I can't make an actual legitimate product in my lab. So yesterday I threw abandon to the wind. I can't remember how that phrase is supposed to go, so I'll just pretend that it's right. My roommate was shocked at quite a few points in the evening, my taking a leaf from her book. We rushed through everything, and I was not all that exact in my procedures, or measurements. So basically if an experiment doesn't turn out, you have to think about what could have caused that to happen, then you insert it into your lab write-up. Seriously, this week there was a wealth of things to choose from. We were supposed to get needle-like crystals, and instead got fluffy wet toilet paper. I'm actually surprised it turned out as well as it did. We did get the right product weight, and while we did get a rather low melting point, we did at least get one that happened instantaneously. It was impure, but not that impure. Originally I couldn't get our product down the little plastic tube--It resembles one of the ones they squeeze the blood into from pricking your finger when you're donating blood. I finally took 3 of the little capillary tubes we use for blotting TLC plates (which are essentially the same thing but needle thin and tiny short) and stuck them in there one after another to move it down. Typically Aberrant was not in a good mood this week, because he was grading a bunch of stuff he was behind on and he has a screaming baby at home, so he insisted on minimal questions while he sat there and graded. Pretty sure it was pointed statement. And I was too tired to argue. I had taken my O Chem test, which I largely just guessed at, directly before this point. I was ready to go home. He actually doesn't care if we get it right anyway, so there you go. At this point I would just like to say how much I love the people in my lab, even though I hate the lab. My TA is nice, if not at all useful to me. Mr. Cynical is a punk, but fortunately that works in my favor as he amuses me. We're too much alike, Mr. Cynical and me. Everyone else in there is so nice. There's this kid who works at ACME, on the opposite week, who I think I'd marry if he asked me to. Of course, not really, because I'm pretty sure his wife and children might object. Anyway, the week before last he suction filtrated my product for me, when I had no idea how to, and I was at my breaking point. And then there's Pocket Ego. I love that kid to death. My TA actually coined that phrase yesterday, because my roommate said something like, "C----, I just want to put you in my pocket, and then I could pull you out whenever I want you to make me happy." Typically Aberrant then said something about how he wanted him as a pocket ego, so that he could tell him things like, "it's not so bad; staying up till 2 in the morning to grade papers--think of all the interesting infomercials you could watch at that hour of the morning." This kid is seriously put off by nothing. He gets excited about his experiments when they fail; he'll look at the product and how it turned out instead of how it should have been, and then he'll say, "this is so cool, I wonder what could have made it do that." #2 and I were walking out of the lab with him the other day, and he showed us a picture of his wife (I think he's been married for 2 months), and we asked him what she did. He asked, "for a living?" and we said, "no, with you." He told her that and she laughed. He's a pretty funny kid anyway, but just the fact that he finds every facet of life so interesting and exciting makes it so much more the so. But I can't ask him how to do anything in there, because he gets so excited in telling me how to do something, even if he has no idea how to do it. The fact of the matter is, he finds it more interesting to fail than to succeed, so I disregard what he says the moment I realize who I just asked. The lab was pretty short, no doubt because we did everything wrong, and we were out of there in under 2 hours.

I guess it's time for a new paragraph, if not a new subject. I got home, took a shower, watched an episode of South Park because #2 was watching it on Libo's lap top, and went to bed pretty much immediately after.

Hopefully Better Syntax.

I feel sufficiently rebuked by Aaron:)

So this is a testament to how truly lazy I have become. I'm letting myself get caught up in the whole, "it's okay if I do badly on this test, I can drop 1..." argument. I have a test today. I'm not ready for it. I feel surprisingly okay about this fact. I won't when I'm taking a harder test later in the semester though, and when a good reason comes up for me not being able to prepare adequately for it. This particular test should be an easy test, or would have been if I'd studied for it, and I know for a fact that the next one will be painful. But I can't make myself worry about it now, because I've already procrastinated to the limit (though some of it was unavoidable and thus not my fault). And with that I got 4 hours of sleep last night, which I feel pretty good about. I meant to pull and all nighter, but I feel rested and refreshed, which I can't really regret. Point of the matter: I have a weird twitch in my elbow right now that probably is caused by a lack of sleep. And I have a class at 11 and test at 4 I need to go over mechanisms for, and trends for synthesis reactions, and the practice exam...and if I get the time I really should look at some of the book problems. Man I need to get better study habits. I plan on studying for my Genetics class tonight after my lab. That's another thing; I totally have to go to my o chem lab after taking my o chem test. I didn't do my post lab, so I hope Typically Aberrant (which is how I will refer to my TA from now on) will be okay with that. I think he will; he's way too lax for someone getting a masters in chemistry. Anyway, this is supposed to be a short lab, so thank goodness for that. And with that I have to get back to work.